Thirty Days
by bananapancakes7
Summary: After a drunken bet with Emmett, Edward swears to abstain from sexual activity for an entire month. Bella isn't pleased. And temptation is a tricky bastard. AH. Rated M. B-day gift to queenofgrey.
1. The Bet

**Originally posted under HappyBirthgrey for the fabulous queenofgrey's bday, but I decided to post on my own profile so I'd see it staring me in the face and finally have the mindset/determination to finish! Enjoy. : ) **

=:=:=

I stared at my drunk, idiot boyfriend in disbelief, my lips curling in confusion. "I'm sorry, what was that, now? You're _abstaining _from sex? For a _month_?"

Edward rolled his eyes, waving his hand like this was _no big deal_. I whirled around to Emmett and gave him a piercing glare. "Where the fuck did you take him? Bible study?!"

Emmett guffawed, walking over and wrapping his enormous bear-like arms around me in what he probably thought was a comforting embrace. Squishing my face against his shirt, he said, "Just the bar. I was betting him that we couldn't go two days without plowing--"

I pushed myself away from him, scoffing.

"Sorry--_getting intimate _with our girlfriends," he said, settling himself onto the couch. "Anyway, it started getting ridiculous. Two days turned into a week, and then after a few shots of Jager, it became two weeks. Then, your boy bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't go three weeks, and I backed out. There's no way I could stay away from Rosie that long; that, and she'd fucking kick my ass."

"Oh, you hear that?" I said to Edward, who was supporting his weight against the wall. "Do you honestly think I won't kick _your _ass? I _like _my sex life."

"See, man, I told you she'd be pissed," Emmett said with a grin. "Anyway, it's apparent that Edward gets cocky when he's drunk--somehow, he believes he can go without it for a month. Don't worry, it's not like he's going to last. And he's completely wasted--he'll probably push you up against the wall as soon as I leave."

"I'm still lucid, asshole," said Edward, though his stumble into my desk chair didn't exactly help to put him in a clear-headed light. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "I know what I agreed to."

"You haven't heard the best part," said Emmett in a strained voice, seeming more amused by the second.

"How the hell is there more to this?" I asked, wondering if I honestly wanted the answer.

Emmett laughed again, practically wheezing the words out. "He can't--he--" He stopped to snort, then continued, "If such a problem _arises, _he can't take care of that, either!"

I was stumped for a few moments before I realized what he meant. Instead of throwing up my arms in frustration and muttering the idiocy of the whole idea, I rounded the corner, into the kitchen, so I could see Edward. "You can't _masturbate_?!"

As the words spilled from my mouth, I instantly burst into laughter and suddenly, I was the one holding onto the wall for aid. Emmett came up to my side and joined in, and Edward merely shrugged, raising a glass of water to his lips.

"You'll _never _make it," I choked out in between giggles, then turned to Emmett. "How are you going to know if he keeps his word? Put up hidden cameras?"

Emmett wiped tears from his eyes and sighed, still chuckling under his breath. "Well, given that he and I work together, I can keep an eye on him there and make sure he doesn't put in any _overtime _hours," he said with another snort. "And also, this is where you come in, Bellabean. You are my eyes and ears through this, okay? The minute you catch him in the act, or whenever he comes begging to you for a release, I'd like a phone call, please."

Emmett and I teased Edward for a little while longer before I walked Emmett to the door. He gave me another bear hug and said quietly, "Do me a favor. Tempt him a little?"

"I'll see what I can do," I replied, waving as he disappeared down the apartment's stairwell. When I went back to the kitchen, Edward was slumped at the table with his head buried in the crook of his arm. His buzz had definitely transformed into drowsy sluggishness. "So, how much is this little challenge worth?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?" he mumbled, not lifting his head. "Like how much is our relationship worth to me? Because you know I respect you--"

"Oh, don't get all philosophical," I said, filling a highball with ice and opening up the liquor cabinet to pour myself a bit of rum. I _never _drank straight liquor, but if I wasn't going to have sex for a month, then I was going to start. "I meant how much money is at stake?"

"Five-hundred."

_Well, at least it's a good amount._

"Either way," I said, sitting next to him and sipping my drink, "whether you have an extra five-hundred dollars in your wallet or not, you are going to make this up to me. I'm talking dinner, dessert, some kind of luxurious hotel suite, champagne, strawberries--all of that. And, you will give me the most _mind-blowing _sex I've ever had."

"Okay." His voice was muffled by his arm.

I laughed under my breath, shaking my head. "Are you sure this isn't some kind of weird way to distance yourself? I mean, everything's okay with us, right?"

He must have picked up his head much too quickly for the state he was in, because his face turned an uneasy, ashen shade. "God, no--I mean, yes, things are fine with us. I swear, Bella. I just wasn't thinking…_fuck_," he breathed, cradling his head. "I think I drank my body weight."

"Would it be bitchy of me to say '_serves you right_?'" I asked, taking another sip from my glass.

He sighed. "I suppose not. I don't know, we were just bullshitting and Emmett was talking about Rosalie and _positions_, and shit…" He looked at my raised eyebrows and cleared his throat. "Well, you know me, I don't really go into detail like he does. I guess I just wanted to shut him up, you know? Let him know that my relationship with you isn't just physical. I mean, I know he loves Rose, and it was just the alcohol talking--"

"Oh, Edward," I said with a laugh, running my fingers through his hair. Hearing him say such a thing was thoughtful, and I loved him for it. Though, I wasn't thrilled about our horizontal humping hiatus. "I believe you. It's just…two weeks, I can handle. But a month?"

He blew his breath through his lips, looking just as disappointed as I felt, finally. This was going to be a difficult thirty days. Oddly, I began to feel a bit sorry for him, and then, suddenly, a smirk crossed his face.

"Well…you could always call Jacob Black," he said teasingly. "He'd be willing to satisfy you in my absence."

_Oh, for fuck's sake._ I swallowed a large mouthful of rum, creating a spicy warmth flooding down my throat and expanding through my chest. "You know, I was just about to tell you that I wouldn't tattle to Emmett if you cheated once in awhile," I said, lithely standing from the chair. "Emmett said you couldn't have sex or give yourself any man-handling. He never said _my _hands couldn't take on the job."

Edward's mouth parted, his brow creasing with thought. He raised his eyebrows. "That's true."

"Oh, but _now_, I think I _will _watch you like a hawk, since you had to bring Jacob Black into it," I said, emptying the remainder of my glass into the sink.

"Bella, I was just kidding," he said, reaching out for my hand.

I took it, leaning over to place a kiss on his forehead. "Nope. No pity for the boyfriend who brings up the Ghost of Crazy, Convict, Fuck-All Christmas past."

Before I started dating Edward, I dated _Jacob_, who would forever be remembered for stealing a motorcycle on Christmas Eve, crashing into my mailbox, and attempting to sing (or scream) 'Randolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer' at my window. We later found out he'd been blitzed out of his mind on weed.

Edward pulled me into his lap, leaning back against the chair so he wouldn't drunkenly topple off the side. "Forgive me?" he asked, his eyes an emerald glaze.

"That depends," I said, shifting my legs to straddle his lap. I figured he was too liquored up to get turned on by a simple action. "You're still allowed to kiss me, right?"

"Mm-hmm," he said, pulling my face to his and giving me a languorous kiss. Then, suddenly, he pulled away, groaning. "Bella…were you drinking alcohol?"

I scoffed a laugh at his obliviousness. "I know, one night of this and I'm already reaching for the bottle," I joked.

His already pale face turned the slightest shade of pear green, and he gently pushed me back. "Baby, I'm gonna be sick," he whined, lifting me off his lap and rushing for the bathroom. Unpleasant noise followed from down the hall, in addition to a weak, muffled, "I'm never drinking again."

Honestly, if I could help it, I would certainly make sure that he never drank _Jagermeister _again. Ever.

=:=:=

I had my money on Emmett. In the first week, Edward slipped into "celibacy" almost comfortably, annoyingly so, considering I had to live out _Girl Parts, Interrupted _while he was abstinent_. _I played along, being Emmett's watchful eye whenever Edward was home. I was a very light sleeper, waking up at the slightest movement or sound, so Edward had no chance of lovin' it up with himself in bed, anyway. I made him play the piano whenever I showered, and I knew his playing well enough to know when he wasn't using _both hands_. However, I was certain that it was only a matter of time before Edward would complain, get agitated or crumple from a case of blue balls, and come crawling to me for a good _'fuck this bet' _fuck.

No such luck for me.

At first, it was nice to spend so much time with him outside of the house: we went grocery shopping together, walked around the park after work, ate out a lot more often. He even accompanied me to the library some nights, engrossing himself in a mystery novel while I pored over English literature. We tried to come home late on purpose; the more exhausted we were, the faster we would fall asleep without the desire to spoon our way into a dry hump.

Emmett called me often, checking to see if Edward was being a "good boy," and I, unfortunately, always mumbled a positive review in his favor. Though, I noticed his unbothered act would falter slightly whenever I changed my clothes or walked past him in a towel. I would catch him staring with hungry eyes, and sometimes I was too weak to stop myself from hugging him from behind, wrapping my leg around his and rubbing my hands way too close to the domain of shame. He'd pry my hands away, kiss me on the forehead, and pull me into a watching a movie or playing a board game, where his touches remained minimal; mostly, I received nudges. _Nudges_.

We'd become _sleepover _friends. I was still waiting for him to ask if he could do my hair or give me a manicure, or something else that was just as asinine.

By the third week, I was grumpy, and had gotten more intimate with the shower head than ever. I'd always kept my carnal moans to myself, thinking that I didn't want to stir him up if I could help it, but as we slipped into bed for the night, I received a quick peck on the cheek before he rolled over with a soft sigh. A tired sigh. He was going straight to sleep…_again_.

_That's it._

I sat up, rolled over to my nightstand, and dug through my drawer for something that I hadn't used since Edward's business trip to Dubai. He'd been gone for a week, and I'd been pleased to have something to keep me company: my purple Rabbit Habit. I heard Edward rustle the sheets, probably staring over his shoulder to see what I was doing. _Good_.

"What are you doing?" came his curious voice, just as I expected.

I slid my vibrator out from it's satin bag, feeling a smile creep over my face. "Just getting ready for bed." _And for an orgasm that we both will never forget_.

I'd never masturbated in front of him; it was something we joked about over a bottle of Pinot at our favorite restaurant, but in the end, I had been too shy to follow through. However, tonight was going to be different…

I flicked the switch to the on setting, and a low buzzing sound filled the air. Edward's face was pricelessly set in shock, and without bothering to waste time explaining myself, I fluidly pulled off my underwear and went to work. I ran my hand under my shirt, rubbing all my favorite places and rubbed my legs together, moaning softly as the waves of vibration pulsed against my clit. I stole a look at Edward, who was staring straight ahead, his mouth hanging open, fingers digging little crevices into our bedspread.

"You can join in anytime, you know," I said breathily, purposely over-exaggerating my voice. "There aren't any rules against you pleasuring _me_. Unless you don't think you can--" I paused to moan as warm heat quaked through my lower body and I bucked my hips against the pressure. "Unless you can't _control _yourself."

He stayed put, and I continued writhing in pleasuring lust, licking my lips, thrusting my middle into the air, only pausing to grab Edward's arm as he finally moved to get out of bed. "If you leave--I'm calling Emmett," I said between pants. "I need to see you--make sure you're still _pure."_

On the last word, I burst into giggles and he ripped his arm away from mine. He darted to the window, yanked it open, and I heard him take a deep gulp of air. The warm breeze blew through the room, tickling my stomach, and I pressed a pillow against my mouth to stifle a provocative groan.

"Bella, the neighbors," Edward hissed from the corner.

"I don't give a damn," I said in a harsh whisper, because that was the only sound I could make at the moment. At last, I slid the vibrating shaft inside me, arching my back off the bed as I gasped, digging my heels into the mattress. I was dizzy, and as I turned to look at Edward, I saw what I'd been waiting to see: highlighted in moonlight, something was pushing against the confines of his boxer briefs--something very curious, very _hard_. Very _him_.

"Come here, please," I begged, stretching out my free hand. "I'm so close, baby. I want you to finish, please?"

Edward took another deep breath, and I could see that he was deliberating fiercely, stealing glances from the window, to me, to his shorts, and back. "Damn it," he whispered over the buzzing, but didn't make a move.

For a moment, I was pissed. He was watching me wriggling around, half-naked, touching myself--_masturbating--_and he wouldn't come to me. I was in the middle of performing most guys' fucking _fantasy_, and I half-wished he would just grab himself and beat off like a goddamned teenager instead of just standing there. Eventually, the pulsating grew to be too much, and I pumped and pressed my toy in and out, making sure the little bunny on the outside nuzzled my swollen center as I rocked my hips, continuing to gasp, riding myself into a frenzied climax.

I moaned, grasping the sheet with one hand as my other shook madly, clasped around the Rabbit. I threw my head back, panting carelessly, and shot a look at Edward. His back was to me; he was hunched, gripping the windowsill, breathing almost as raggedly as I was. I smiled through my throes of arousal and called out one more thing. "Oh, _God_, _Edward!"_

The window slammed, and the sound of his maddening breath and my own cry of his name sent me over the edge. I came quickly, thrusting in rhythm with the waves of my orgasm, and finally collapsed back on the pillows. My chest heaved as I calmed, and the tingling chills quelled to a peaceful warmth throughout my body. I sighed, loving the hot, pulsing reverberations in my groin.

_That--was--fuck--ing--fab--u--lous, _they throbbed.

I lazily rolled my head in Edward's direction again and raised my eyebrows. "You missed out," I breathed, smirking.

He fisted a hand in his hair, tightly pulling at the strands, and his other hand rested against his stomach, twitching--as if he was dying to reach down and take care of other _pressing _matters. Instead of doing so, he practically growled and hastily made his way into the bathroom, slamming the door.

"Does that mean Emmett wins?" I called out. I heard him groan again before the bathroom door flung open and smacked against the outside wall. "No," he grunted from inside, and the whirring sound of the shower brought the walls to life.

I pulled a bottle of toy cleaner out of my drawer and slid out of bed, convincing my rubbery legs to carry me into the bathroom. Edward opened the glass door to the shower and stepped inside, and I granted myself a peek. He was magnificent, as always, with his godlike structure and chiseled features…not to mention his tight, little ass and incredibly rock-hard erection.

I licked my lips, wondering what he would do if I suddenly got inside the shower and dropped to my knees, grabbing his hips and sliding my tongue up the base of his--

The bottle of antibacterial cleaner slipped out of my hand and clattered into the sink. I blew out my breath, chuckling. "Don't worry," I said lightly, spraying my Rabbit Habit clean. "Only ten more days. I'm sure you'll be fine."

I smiled again as I watched his hands curl into fists. When I had set my _"pet" _to the side to dry, I stripped off my shirt and opened the shower door. I stepped inside without a word, and though he didn't turn around, his muscles stiffened.

"What are you doing?" he asked as I slid my hands up his back.

"Jesus, Edward, the water's freezing," I whined, feeling gooseflesh ripple down my naked body.

He groaned again, frustrated, though he still didn't face me. "Well, what else am I going to do? Wish it away?"

_It_. Edward Jr. was still standing at attention, I presumed. "I could take care of it," I said, surprising myself at the bold tone that came out of me. I sounded like a cheap hotline girl!

"I told myself I could do this," he hissed through his teeth. "Why are you making it so difficult?"

"Why are you so committed?" I asked, locking my arms around his middle, not allowing him to shake me off. "It's just a stupid bet, Edward. I miss you. I mean, I love the time we've been spending with each other, but you barely touch me. I feel empty without you."

I felt him relax subtly, and was shocked when he laughed softly. "Was that pun intended?"

I snorted. "No. Well…" I hesitated, laughing with him, then sighed. "No, not really. I'm not a sex addict. And I know it's not everything, but I feel like your _buddy_. I just want _you _back, all of you."

He sighed, finally allowing himself to turn around, though I kept my eyes firmly on his. "I'm sorry," he said, wrapping his hands around my back, pulling me under the torrent of chilled water. "Ten days. Christ."

I shivered, carefully laying my cheek against his chest. "You can quit. It's only…five-hundred dollars." _Ugh. Fucking boys. Fucking bets. Fucking Jagermeister._

"We can make it," he said, speaking into my hair. "I'm rather looking forward to this sexual extravaganza I'm supposed to plan when this is all over."

And that's the way he wanted to play it. I let him cling to me for a few moments before I turned the water's dial to a balmy temperature and lathered myself with soap, washing off the traces of sweat and self-gratification. He stood back and watched, his face a pitiful mask of willpower and patience. It was so _easy _to rile him up.

After I wrapped myself in a towel and changed back into suitable pajamas, Edward stood under a drowning shower of cold water for thirty minutes before I could coax him back to bed.

=:=:=

**1 more chapter to come.**

**Jes, I'm so sorry that your birthday was a month ago and this is still not complete! But I wrote a bunch tonight (while drinking Pinot Grigio--hehe) and am determined to finish it soon! ;)**

**But, like I said originally:**

**Happy birthday, Jes! I love your fuckawesome self! You deserve all kinds of good things, and here's hoping that you're at least mildly entertained by the weird shit that comes out of my head.**


	2. The Car

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_The Thirtieth Day_

_=:=:=_

"Ow!" I hissed under my breath as my toe collided with the corner of the dresser. I shook off the pain and sat on my bed, punishing my feet further as I slid them into my too-tight, white satin heels. I'd be lucky if I could even stand upright, much less _walk_.

I glanced in the mirror as I stood, fluffing my hair a bit, thinking that my eyes looked a bit dusky--not in the smoldering seductress, eye-shadow way, either. Unfortunately, I'd barely gotten any sleep the night before; Edward had slept so restlessly, tossing and turning to the point of absurdity, and I'd finally woken him to make sure that he wasn't having a nightmare.

"Of _course _it was a dream," he'd mumbled groggily before pressing his face back into a pillow.

"Oh, _ho, _I see," I'd snickered, snuggling up to his back. "Panty fantasy?"

I'd received a very low, frustrated mumble of, "Keep your distance, you sex fiend."

Now, it was nearing eight AM, and we were scrambling around the house, packing last minute toiletries and tidbits that we might need for the weekend.

A few months back, Esme and Carlisle had moved into a gorgeous house in Monterey, and had been asking us to visit for quite some time. Esme had finally persuaded us to make the trip from Fresno, especially since Edward's Uncle Aro was in town for the World Affairs conference, which was taking place in San Francisco--it would be my first time meeting him, and I was as jittery as a coke-addicted chipmunk.

Edward's shout broke me out of my hair-care war. "Bella, are you _coming_?"

_Too easy._

"Yeah," I answered, calling out into the hall. "I just need to…find my suitcase..." I glanced around frantically, knowing I had left it right by the closet, and of _course_, it was no longer there.

"I have it--I'm putting it in the car, now," he called back. "Emmett just got here. Five minutes?"

"Okay, be right there!" I replied, checking myself in the mirror once more, wrinkling my nose at my khaki capris, white, thick-strapped tank-top, the light yellow cardigan draped over my shoulders, and my pointy shoes. I was officially out of place, and looked like a fucking marshmallow peep.

"Yo, Bellabean!" called a familiar voice, and I turned around to see Emmett grinning at me from the doorway, decked out in jeans, of course. "Whoa, or should I say _Jellybean_. Is it Easter again, my little pastel princess?"

I threw my purse at him and scoffed as I walked to the door. "Shut up, sweater-vest," I shot back, causing Emmett to laugh and rub his shirt. "I'm trying to--fit in, or something."

"Oh, no, no, no," he said, waving me back and tossing my purse to the floor. "Honestly, Bella, hasn't Rosalie taught you anything?"

I stumbled over my feet as he put his hands on my shoulders, steering me backward, and catching me before I could land on my ass. "Emmett, what--"

"No offense, but you look like you stole my Gran's clothes," he said teasingly. "I thought you were going to help me out and make Edward sweat a little. I only have, like, seventeen hours left, and--"

"You boys and this _stupid _bet," I said, stopping to press my fingertips to my temples, feeling my head pound slightly. "_And_, I am on _his _side, you know. He's done… really well."

He barked a laugh. "You don't sound pleased."

"What? I--I'm proud of him," I said, but Emmett grinned, detecting the lack of enthusiasm in my voice. I sighed in resignation. "Fine, I'm _surprised_, that's all. I expected him to cave by the second week, if anything. And really, I _did _try to tempt him last week--and honestly, I'm thinking he's a little _too _good at holding in his inner horndog. I mean, I pulled out _toys_--"

"Whoa, okay, easy," he said, patting my shoulder. "You might be my sister someday, so let's skip the fine details of your romps with my little bro, shall we?"

I tried not to grumble under my breath and smoothed the creases in my pants. "Anyway, it's all for naught. I hope you brought your money. He's not budging."

"But still, Bells--can't you try a little harder? For me? I mean, pants and a _sweater?!" _he stressed, staring at me as though I had draped myself in peels of seaweed and toxic sludge. "Not that you're not as cute as a little, yellow bunny, but can you please put on something _open_? Show a bit of those perky, little snack trays for my boy!"

"Snack--_snack _trays?" I uttered, crinkling my nose while covering my chest with my hands, even though it was already concealed. "God, Emmett, you're such a pig. And I'm not going to look like some kind of untamed hooker in front of your parents, _and _your foreign affairs officer _uncle_, of all people!"

"I have it on good authority that Uncle Aro has definitely enjoyed his share of snack tr--"

"Oh_, don't _tell me," I said, feeling a childish urge to plug my ears. "Anyway, my clothes are _tasteful_, all right? Besides, I brought a dress for the party tonight, so--"

"As lovely as it is that you two are having such a nice chat," came Edward's voice from down the hall, "if we're going to make brunch, I'd suggest moving some ass. Emmett, stop gawking at my girl--"

Edward poked his head into the bedroom, then, and stared at me, breaking into an amused grin. "I'm sorry," he said, stepping in my direction, holding out his hand. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Edward Cullen. Bella never mentioned she had a _polo _instructor."

My shoulders wilted, and I stared at him tiredly. "Thanks a lot," I said, picking up a small travel bag and shoving it into his outstretched hand. "Enjoy the quiet drive. I'm riding with Emmett."

"Mm-hmm, sure you are," he said, giving me a quick kiss. "You look fine. But let's go, huh?"

He tucked my bag under his arm and walked toward the door, nudging Emmett on his way out. Emmett playfully shoved him back, then turned to me. "You were saying…"

I turned back to the mirror and scrutinized my appearance again, scratching the back of my head, pressing my lips together. I supposed I shouldn't really care if I was wearing warm, beige, _boring _colors. It was _brunch_, for God's sake; the cocktail party Esme was throwing wasn't until later that evening--_that's _when I figured I'd try to look sexy. Edward loved the dress I was planning on wearing, after all, and I was hoping to show off something ravishing that he could rip off of me in a blind passion after the bet was over, but the mischief twinkling in Emmett's eyes was enough to halfway coax me to pull out the big guns early; that, and Edward's mocking of my attire.

"I know you're as frustrated as I am," Emmett pressed.

"True," I agreed, pulling at my shirt. "However, come later, when Edward makes it past midnight, you're going to give him five-hundred dollars and he and I are going to have some wild, erotic escapade. _You, _Emmett Cullen, cannot offer me that.

"Besides, Edward and I have gotten even closer than we were before. Sex isn't everything. I love him, and thirty days is nothing, really--it's just a month. And after tonight, we'll be better from the whole experience."

It was cheesy, but it was true. I cleared my throat, gave Emmett a nod, and scooped up my purse. I patted his arm as I stepped past him, pulling my cardigan tighter over my shoulders, and he sighed behind me.

"I should have let him keep it at two," he breathed.

I froze mid-step, turning back on one constricted, uncomfortable heel. "Sorry?"

"He originally bragged that he could go _two _months," Emmett said, rolling his shoulders and cracking his knuckles. "I told him he was crazy."

I bit the inside of my lip, brow furrowing in a deep crease. "_Two _months?" I echoed.

Emmett nodded. "I mean, I made him agree to only _one _month, because I didn't want you both to be all hot and bothered once we're in Belize."

Emmett, Rosalie, Edward, and I had planned a trip to Mexico; we were supposed to be leaving in two weeks. Belize was going to be our ultimate vacation--we'd never been out of the United States _together_--only separate. I was looking forward to pristine, sandy beaches, cold cocktails, hikes, and swimming in crystalline, blue water; numerous evenings of tantalizing touches, dancing, and rolling in the sheets with Edward were also included--at least, _I'd _planned such activities. Apparently, Edward hadn't thought as in depth as I had.

I sucked in my breath and stalked back into my room. "Tell Edward five minutes," I told Emmett, tossing my cardigan on the bed. "And get out. I'm getting naked."

Emmett's eyes widened and his lips curled upward. "You want me to tell him to _meet _you in here in five minutes?"

"No, I'm changing," I said simply, unbuttoning my khakis. "So I'd suggest closing the door."

"Yes ma'am," he said, chuckling, and pulled the door shut, disappearing from my sight.

I stalked to my closet and pushed a section of clothes to the side, sliding hangers until I found what I was looking for: a black-and-white-striped jersey dress that clung to each and every curve of my body. I'd been saving it for vacation--that, and the matching pair of leather peeptoe stilettos that Rosalie had urged me to buy. It was sad, that at the age of twenty-six, I still needed help picking out my own shoes.

But I didn't need help now.

I shamelessly stripped off my country-club get-up and pulled the dress over my head, shaking my hair and parting it to the side. I quickly dashed over to my dresser and opened my jewelry case, pulling out a different necklace and earrings. After I had transformed myself, I rushed into the bathroom for one more thing: Vanilla Ginger body oil. Its scent was heavenly, and the best part: it was lickable.

A few drops of it usually turned Edward into some kind of sensual scavenger, seeking out the places I'd dabbed, kissing and nipping at every bit of my skin until he had successfully found every scented spot.

I dotted my neck, wrists, and collarbone with my secret weapon, tucked the little bottle into my purse, spread a new layer of peach gloss over my lips, and turned off all the lights. I was ready.

As I descended the stairs outside of our complex, I peeked at Edward's car; the windows were tinted, so I couldn't see him, but I heard Emmett holler like a jackass out of his SUV, "That's what I'm talking about, B!" For a moment, I toyed with the idea of actually leaving Edward to ride by himself, but decided against it. I had some scheming to do.

"Sorry, I was changing," I apologized as I shut myself into the passenger seat of Edward's car, buckling my seatbelt without looking at him. "You were right. I looked pretty silly, so…"

I turned to look out the window, and only looked back at Edward when the car didn't move. He was staring at me, lips pressed together, fingers curled around the steering wheel, and the words _I'm One Horny Motherfucker _practically written all over his face.

Mm. His face, all voluptuous and tantalizing. God damn it, he was such a glorious, lusty mess.

"It's only forty-five minutes, right?" I asked, pretending to be oblivious. "We'll make it by nine…as long as you're capable of thrusting the stick shift into gear. Or getting firm with the accelerator. Or, is _that _against the rules, too?"

I snickered at my joke, and leaned across the seat to kiss his freshly-shaven cheek, lingering just long enough for him to get a whiff of what I was wearing. Pavlov couldn't have predicted his response any better: he inhaled sharply and grasped my face in his hands, pressing his mouth deep against mine, eagerly exploring my lips.

I smiled through the kiss, pleased at the success I was already having.

"I--missed--your--enthusiasm," I breathed as I leaned away, only to have him pull me back with each word. I trapped his bottom lip between both of mine, letting my teeth graze his skin, and he groaned softly as my fingers traveled through his hair. His hands were traveling, too--down my arms, waist, and beyond. I giggled, knowing that I should pull away before we got carried away; Emmett was still in the parking lot, after all.

"Edward," I managed to say as his mouth found my neck, "we should go. Emmett--your parents are waiting for--"

His lips were back on mine, quickly shutting me up.

Heat, fire, need, desire.

I was slowly losing control of my thoughts as his touch began to consume me. So ardent were his hands, I found myself undoing my seatbelt and curling my legs to kneel on my seat, stretching further to meet him. He hadn't touched me like this in weeks, and my hormones weren't about to let me stop. I moaned softly as he sucked under the arc of my jaw, his breath hot and fluttering under my ear. I dropped my fingers to the hollow of his neck, brushing over his collar before undoing a few buttons and plunging my hand inside his shirt. His muscles were flexing and hard under the soft fabric, and the feel of tickling wisps of hair and heat under my palm made me eager, warm, and wild…_down under_.

_Too much. Not the plan. But, dear God, screw it._

I was glad I'd chosen the jersey dress, for it was silky and sleek against the leather seats, and I gracefully slid onto his lap, bending my knees, easily straddling him. The thin fabric of both our garments hindered nothing, absolutely _nothing _at all, and the press and push we gave each other made me bite my lip. Edward compressed his hands deep against my back, sliding me further, hitching the skirt of my dress around my waist.

"Do you want--are you sure?" I panted as his mouth quavered against mine. His answer was apparent as he grabbed my hips, pulling my lap into his--hard, hot, and twitching with desire underneath of me. I whimpered against his lips, getting further and further to throwing caution to the dashboard and begging him to do whatever he wanted. Slow, sweet grinding caused another burst of warmth inside me, and I grasped his shoulders for support as he bucked his hips upward, heightening and deepening the need between the both of us.

_Holy. Motherfucking. Shit. _

A sound that was almost embarrassingly loud came out of my mouth, but Edward was right there, awarding me a deep, rumbling, appreciative moan. My hands shook as I let my head drop to his chest, kissing and continuing to fumble with his buttons as he slid his hands under my dress, over my ribs and the lacy cups of my bra. His hand eagerly slid under the material, and when the pads of his fingers rolled over my breasts, I bit my lip in a lustful hiss.

"Edward," I gasped, gliding my fingertips under his waistband. His stomach was so warm, so firm, tightening and expanding with his keen breath. "Let me touch you."

He blinked, his eyes feverish, and he simply shifted, thrusting his hips into me again, and again, and again. Hot friction, panting breath, and chesty moans filled the car, consuming us in muggy sensuality.

"I--I want you," I begged, reaching to undo his pants, craving the feel his length against my slick skin. "Please, I need you."

His knuckles brushed mine, traveling underneath my dress, tucking his hands over my thighs. I impatiently pulled down his zipper, grinning at the sight of his boxers instantly tenting into my hands, and I stroked him lightly, making him groan. His fingertips were just sliding under the silky band of my underwear, into the dip of my warmth, when, suddenly, I felt it.

His goddamned phone was going off like a Bumble Ball.

"Shiiiit," Edward hissed, snatching his hands away, resting them on my back.

"Ignore it," I pleaded, but he was already digging in his pocket, pulling out the little buzzing contraption. "Edward, don't--"

"_What?" _Edward growled into the receiver.

I heard Emmett's voice, all crackly and jolly, come from the other end. "Now, I can only imagine what you two are doing in there, so just tell me straight--am I five-hundred dollars richer, or not? Because if I'm going to be late for brunch, it's not going to be waiting in this parking lot for _your _ass to finish _getting _some ass."

Edward sighed heavily, rubbing his eyes vigorously as I leaned back against the steering wheel, impatiently tapping my fingers against his legs. "Man, then go. No, you didn't win anything. We were just…kissing. That's allowed."

"Let me talk to Bella."

Edward let his hand fall from his temple and he stared at me. "You can talk to her when we get there. We're leaving now, okay?"

I realized I was holding my breath, and squinted my eyes at his mention of leaving.

"Well, if I don't see your headlights behind me, I totally win," Emmett said.

Edward snapped his cell closed and dropped his hands, leaning back against his seat. I quickly snatched the phone from him and tossed it on my seat, putting all interruptions aside, and bent forward to kiss him, eager to continue where we left off. When I noticed that he didn't reciprocate, his hands and lips practically static, I pulled back and stared at him.

"What's the matter?" I asked, feeling slightly desperate as I tangled my fingers in his, pressing my lips to his neck. "Come on, who cares what Emmett--"

He seized my hips, gave me a quick kiss, and before I knew it he was lifting me up and over toward my own seat. "Bella, we can't."

"Wha--what?!" I uttered, falling back against the leather seat. "Why?"

I watched as he fumbled to button his shirt, and I sighed in irritation. "Oh, my God, _fuck _this _bet_, Edward. _I'll _give you five-hundred dollars. I'll pay _both _of you to stop this idiocy."

"Bella, come on, this--this is hardly the place--it's not mature," Edward said, wincing slightly as he tucked his very erect, perky self back in, and zipped his pants.

"Mature?" I repeated, gaping at him. "You certainly didn't care a minute ago! And I didn't even start it."

"No, you just put on that… vanilla… stuff," he muttered, buckling his seatbelt. "No more teasing."

As ungodly childish as it was, I huffed, firmly clenching the sides of my seat, pouting. My hair was probably in shambles, and I was sweaty, overheated, trembling with desire, and _soaked_. And Edward chose that moment to start backing out of the parking space, so there wasn't even time to for me to run upstairs and change my underwear.

"I need to change," I blurted out. "Don't leave yet."

"What are you going to put on, now? Black leather?" he teased.

"No, I'm going to take a page out of your book and put on a _chastity belt_," I grumbled. "I need--you made--my underwear--I'm _wet_, okay?!"

Edward smirked, and made no move to stop the car. "Yeah, I'm aware of that."

He had felt me, after all, and could probably _smell _me, and he was fucking proud of himself. I knitted my eyebrows in annoyance and folded my arms across my chest.

"Come on, don't pout," Edward said, reaching over and patting my shoulder like I was a child. "I didn't want to stop, either. But we're so close. We can make it a few more hours."

"_You _are out of your mind," I replied, buckling my seatbelt and uncomfortably shifting my hips. My lower body was still pulsing and achy, craving to be satisfied. "And '_no more teasing?_' What the hell do you think _you _just did? If you were in my underwear right now, you'd be pissed."

Of course, that made him laugh like a maniac, and I gnawed on my lower lip, feeling rejected, grumpy, and gross. Finally, I slid my hands under my dress, wriggled until I clasped the sides of my panties, pulled them off, bunched them up, and threw them onto the floor, kicking them into the corner.

I could feel Edward staring at me, so I narrowed my eyes, and, sure enough, he was gawking at me in shock and amusement. "Did you just--" he started.

"I was uncomfortable. Shut up."

I rolled down my window, then, and turned my attention to the cotton candy clouds, glorious palls of rose and amethyst-blue, and breathed in the cool, morning wind, calming myself. Edward fiddled with the radio, searching for good music, and I sighed, pacified with the airy, tranquil view, and the fact that there was nothing erotic--

"_--don't want anybody else, when I think about you, I touch myself--"_

I whirled around and smacked the radio panel, shutting the music off with a slap.

_No more teasing, indeed._

-:-

**Big, huge, massive thank you to Demosthenes91 for beta'ing and being my Smut Consultant! LOL And, uh, this will have 2 more chapters, just for pacing's sake. I got wordy. Le sigh. Anyway, Happy 2-months of being 24, Jes! *snort* ILY. Thanks for being patient!**


	3. The Brunch

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, 'kay?**

**Yeah, Jes will probably be another year older by the time I finish this, but let's recap, shall we? Last chapter: Edward was sexin' Bella up in the car because his balls are totally singin' the blues--Bella was all for it, because the girl is craving her man after an entire month of no action. And then, Emmett had to be a cockblock and call, interrupting them and reminding Edward of the bet's 'conditions.' Bella got tossed back onto the passenger seat, unsatisfied, and is currently stewing in sexual frustration & anger. Yup. Oh, and they're driving to Carlisle & Esme's house for brunch. Continue if you wish…**

=:=:=

Edward drove up the long driveway, and I stared out the window in awe. Esme had sent us plenty of pictures over the past few months, but seeing the house in person left a completely different impression; it was incredibly gorgeous. Modernly, intrinsically built with titian Stucco and mahogany wood, arrayed with a myriad of crystal windows, constructed with a combination of fine curves and sharp architectural design, and surrounded by sunbathed grass, it stood: Esme's dream house.

"Wow," I breathed, wanting to lean out of the open car window so I could see better.

Edward chuckled. "Oh. She speaks."

I'd ignored him the entire drive, giving him conveyed glances of _'Are you kidding me?' _when he tried to crack a joke, or when he reached over to rub my knee. I'd almost caved into conversation once he brought up Aro, because when it came to being introduced to his uncle, I was as intimidated as a nun in a topless bar.

Aro Cullen was a world-renowned genius, and not only was he a well-known figure in the political world, he was also a literary mastermind. I'd studied World Literature for years, and in many of the subjects I'd taken, he had, quite literally, written the book on them. I was beyond terrified of him actually speaking to me. I was certain I'd either blank out on an answer to a question, or just start bumbling like an idiot as soon as I opened my mouth.

And, of course, as I'd swallowed my frustration and opened my mouth to spill a bit of my lasting insecurities and silly nervousness, Edward had remarked with a smug grin, "You might want to put on a pair of underwear, first. Just in case all the talk of _books _turns you on, baby."

Knowing it was probably not the best idea to punch him, considering he was driving seventy miles per hour on a freeway, I'd simply turned to the window and gritted my teeth, thinking of the Discovery Channel special on Praying Mantises that he and I had watched a week ago. After a round of bug-banging, the female had bitten off the male's head. Edward had no idea how close I was to taking a page out of that bitch's book at the moment.

As Edward parked, I ran my fingers through my hair and lowered the sun visor to check myself in the mirror. Luckily, I hadn't ruined my make-up from all of our kissing; all I needed was a bit of a touch-up, and I would be fine. Edward turned off the car and watched me silently as I smoothed another sheen of peach gloss onto my lips.

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm not trying to sex you up, or anything," I said in defense. "You just kissed it all off, earlier."

"I know," he said gently, probably using his low, mellifluous voice on purpose, that tease. "You look beautiful, though, with or without it."

Flattery. Yeah, right.

"Thanks," I mumbled, frowning at myself in the mirror. I knew as soon as I saw Esme and Carlisle, I'd finally stop being a pouty wench and lighten up. He reached for the car door's handle and I put my hand on his wrist, stopping him from getting out. "Wait. You have sex hair. Well, almost-sex hair. Hold still."

He waited patiently as I smoothed his hair into place, trying to tame the unruly strands that I'd previously driven my hands through. "Mad at me?" he asked, lifting his fingers to my chin.

"Yes," I said calmly, tucking a bit of his hair behind his ear.

He licked his bottom lip and kissed my cheek softly, though I pulled away. "I'm sorry."

"I can't remember," I said sardonically. "What did you tell me back when I was in school, freaking out over projects, yet, procrastinating my ass off?"

Edward sighed. "Bella, that's hardly the same th--"

"_Always finish what you start, Bella_, _distractions be damned,_" I rattled on, anyway. "And don't you _dare _pull the '_I'm fulfilling my word' _crap and say that's what you were doing. If Emmett hadn't called, you would have gladly ripped off your clothes, and mine. This whole thing was a result of too many shots of Jager for _five-hundred dollars_. Don't tell me this is some kind of moral, religious, sacrificial experiment that you've been pondering for '_quite some time now.'"_

"Man," Edward chuckled, opening his door. "I really woke the wild beast, didn't I?"

"I'm not wearing any _underwear_, _Edward!" _I accused, fumbling for my purse.

A loud laugh came from outside Edward's side of the car, and I snapped my mouth shut, wincing. _Emmett_. _At least it's not--_

"Hi, Dad," Edward said, giving me a wide smile before he got out of the car.

My mouth dropped back open, and I could feel my cheeks transform from flesh to furnaces. _Oh, my God, no. _The sun visor was hiding my view, and I hoped Edward was joking around. Cautiously, I pushed the visor back into place and peered through the shaded windshield. There he stood, next to Emmett: Carlisle Cullen.

_Fuck. Me. Abort. Abort, now._

But I couldn't. Edward had the keys, and I still hadn't mastered the ability to teleport. I reluctantly pushed open the car door, feeling like an utter ass. If anything could make your vagina contemplate sewing itself shut, it was shouting that you were going commando in front of your boyfriend's father.

"Hi, Carlisle," I said in a mousy voice. _Oh, hell_. _How to explain this?_

"Morning, Bella," he said cheerfully, moving to give me a polite, yet awkward hug, considering what I'd just screamed. "How was the drive?"

I wanted to melt into a puddle of shame. "Uh, it was … fine." Edward and Emmett were grinning like the shameless little fuckers that they were, and I had to literally bite my tongue before cursing at them. "The house is gorgeous," I said instead, pointing to the villa on the hill. "I wish I would have brought my camera… Edward, did you bring yours?"

As I spun around to face him, the wind suddenly picked up, sweeping the skirt of my dress into the air, and I quickly slapped my hands down on the fabric to keep from flashing everyone.

"Ha, thar she blows!" Emmett bellowed, cracking himself up. Edward joined in, adding, "Seriously, Bella. Try not to hoist the sails around my father. He's married."

"Boys," Carlisle warned, giving them a slight frown.

I glared at them, cheeks flaming, with a look that hopefully conveyed '_Fuck you both_.' I looked from them to Carlisle, my chest heaving with angry breath. "Well, I'm sure I don't have to tell you how exasperating they are, as you raised them … but for the record, Edward stole my underwear. Every pair. Emmett bet him he wouldn't be able to hide them from me for a whole month. _They _think it's hysterical."

Carlisle pressed his lips together and stared at his sons. Emmett of course, cackled loudly, and Edward gaped at me with incredulity. Glowering, I silently challenged him to say that it wasn't true, either. _Two can play at this game, darling._

"Unfortunately, honey, it's my fault," Carlisle said, patting my shoulder. "I literally dropped Edward on his head when he was one, and then another time when he was three. He's always been a little off, ever since."

Edward rolled his eyes while Emmett clapped him on the back, continuing to giggle like a little girl.

"I don't know what you're laughing about, Emmett," Carlisle continued. "You ran headfirst into the glass sliding door more times than I can remember." With that, he winked at me and said, "I've actually got that on video, somewhere. We'll have to dig it up tomorrow, after the party."

Carlisle insisted on carrying my bags, and Emmett and Edward heaved the rest onto their shoulders. The inside of the house was just as lovely as the outside, all because of Esme's finesse for interior design. Flowers were everywhere, and the furniture was modern, clean, and corresponding--very Esme. Carlisle showed me and Edward to our room, which was respectively exquisite, and then took Emmett further down the hall, leaving us alone.

We eyed each other silently for a moment before I sighed and opened my suitcase, unrolling my cocktail dress for the party and hanging it from the top of the bathroom door. I heard Edward rummaging through his own bag, but I didn't look at him, not even when he said, "I love you in that dress."

I knew. It was why I had packed it in the first place. But I was tired of hearing him butter me up, when it was highly probable that he would be embarrassing the hell out of me, sooner or later. When we'd finished unpacking our necessities, Edward offered me his hand. "I guess I have some making up to do, huh?"

I pulled at my dress with one hand, and allowed Edward to take my other. We quietly walked downstairs and through the foyer, and he had such a mischievous smile on his face, that I hissed, "You know, I never, _ever _thought I'd say this to you, but I kind of want to kick you in the balls."

Edward practically snorted. "Bella _Swan_," he said in a mock-reprimand. "You're too sweet to be a ball-kicker. And, knowing you, you'd probably end up losing your own balance if you lifted your leg that high."

I ripped my hand out of his so fast, he actually flinched at my sudden movement--or maybe because of my angry, glaring eyes.

"Geez, I'm _kidding_, Bella," he said, chuckling nervously and quickly pulling me into a sun-filled sitting room. Again, I wrenched my hand out of his and pressed my back against the wall, taking a breath, and wondering why the hell I was so mad. I knew he was joking; we _always _teased each other, and neither of us ever took it seriously. But, for some reason, every joke he was making felt like a hurtful jab, causing my stomach to churn.

"I'm just not up for it, you know?" I said quietly, wrapping my arms around my waist. "I feel stupid enough as it is, already."

"Why?" he asked, genuine concern crossing over his handsome features.

"Just with everything that happened in the car, and then your dad overhead me say that I'm all … _panty-free_," I grumbled, fixing my eyes on the gleaming grand piano. "And then you and Emmett riling me up, enough to make me change my clothes so I didn't look like your _grandmother_…"

_And you wanted this fiasco to go on for _two _months, originally…_

"And … well, I'm still in the _mood_, okay?" I finished, hanging my head, still mourning the loss of our earlier endeavor. "It's frustrating. I don't know how you made it this far."

"Well, it wasn't exactly a picnic." He leaned over and kissed my cheek, and then--_then_--that bastard _blew _into my ear.

I whipped my head up to stare at him, stunned, and shot him a stupefied look. He only smirked. "What are you doing?" I hissed under my breath, trying not to draw too much attention. I could hear voices, which meant that people were probably right around the corner.

"Apologizing," he said, humming against my hair, slowly moving his hands up my side. He clutched my back and got a handful of my chest with his other hand, circling his thumb until my nipple perked, even under the silky layer of my bra.

"A-apologizing?" I repeated, feeling my face flush with warmth and blood, and my traitorous girly parts followed suit like naive sheep. I tried to pull away, but knocked my head against the leaves of a potted tree that was beside us, which ensnared a hunk of my hair. "You're feeling me up behind a _Ficus_."

Edward laughed softly, spinning me toward him and untangling my hair. He leaned me against the wall and pressed his knee into the center of my dress, trailing his tongue around my earlobe. "Fine, no hands, then," he breathed, kissing my temple, putting his palms on the wall.

_Ohmigoddd._

"You're--" I stopped, swallowing, unsure if I wanted to knee him in his temporary-celibate jewels or ravish him atop the piano, showing him my own personal meaning of _tickling the ivories_. "I thought we agreed 'no more teasing.' You're … breaking the rules … _God_, Edward…"

Feelings forgotten, I wanted him--I wanted _this_. Involuntarily, I leaned into his leg, feeling like a horny puppy as I rubbed against him. I crushed my lips against his, gripping his collar and tugging him closer, still feeling swollen and unsatisfied from the car, and was desperate for the friction he was providing. His hands eventually fell onto my shoulders, descending until he was cupping my ass, pulling me up and letting me slide against him as I grew increasingly hot and breathless.

I wondered if we could quietly slip away, rush upstairs and go buck wild, then sneak back down, as though we'd been "unpacking" the whole time. Hell, we could do it in a _closet_, for all I cared.

"Easy," he whispered, suddenly breaking away, and I blinked, startled by his separation. "You're not wearing underwear, remember? Patience."

And with that, he smiled and tapped my chin with his hand--the same hand that had just been squeezing and teasing my body. He stepped back, leaving me panting and clutching the wall with barely-restrained willpower.

"So, brunch?" he asked with a grin, holding out his palm in invitation.

I stared at him, distracted by the pulsing in my groin. "Are you … _kidding me?" _I wheezed, my mouth dry.

"Well, I don't think my family would be fond of witnessing your post-coital glow," he said, chuckling, making me blush a deeper shade of magenta. "Let's go eat. I'm starving."

I narrowed my eyes, biting the inside of my cheek. Was he fucking serious? This was the second time he got me all hot and bothered and left me wanting, like a sex-crazed teenager. I was half a step away from launching myself at him and ripping off his clothes. Buttons would fly; thin, cotton fabric would rip; his chest would swell with anticipatory breath; his cock would be rock-hard and ready--

"Bella," Edward said, beginning to laugh, tugging on my hand. "I'm just overeager about what we're going to do later. Just think of this as a preview."

"I think I hate you," I rasped, trying to calm my libido.

He grinned. "You do not."

"I might."

He pulled me into the foyer and smoothed my hair with one of his hands. "Now _you _have sex hair," he teased, even though that wasn't close to being true--I had cheated, _Ficus _hair. "Think of Charlie naked. That's what helped me out a lot this month."

I curled my lip, scoffing--though, even thinking about visualizing my father in such a way quickly brought me more clarity. I shuddered slightly, and yanked my hand away from Edward's grasp for the umpteenth time. "You're not allowed to touch me anymore until midnight," I pouted, shuffling my feet.

Edward let out a barking laugh, sounding just like his brother. I should have stuck with my "polo instructor" outfit and sprayed myself with that shit-tastic, strawberry spray that he was allergic to. That would have kept him at bay, and made him a snotty mess--then, maybe I would have kept my distance, too.

Before I knew it, we were on the patio, and my breath ceased at the stunning view. It was gorgeous: sand-colored limestone was spread under our feet, stretching wide, and three large steps led to a circular terrace, which contained an exquisite barbeque grill. Carlisle was standing behind it with a pair of tongs, now decked out in an apron with a large cartoon muffin on the front, reading: _Do You Know the STUD MUFFIN Man?_

He waved the tongs at me with a grin, and I smiled back, feeling more at ease with the breeze in my face. And seeing Carlisle in that apron.

"Edward, Bella!"

I turned to see Esme hurrying toward us, beaming with an excited smile. She enveloped Edward in her arms first, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and making him grumble by saying how handsome he looked. Then, she turned to me, giving me a tight hug.

"I'm so glad you both finally came!" she said lightly. "Bella, you look lovely! And how on earth did you get my son to put on dress shoes?"

"I had to beat him into submission," I teased. Edward was always whiny about dressing up if it wasn't for work, but Esme had asked me to try to push him toward wearing 'nice' clothes. "Actually, I just had to hide all his sneakers." I looked at Edward and smirked. "They're in dryer," I told him.

Edward looked at his feet and sighed, and, suddenly, Emmett came up behind Esme. "It was only fair, Mom," he said. "Edward hid all of Bella's girly delicates."

I felt my cheeks burn--joking with Carlisle was one thing, but Esme was … _motherly_. I fought the urge to kick Emmett's shin, but Edward didn't hold back. He punched his brother in the arm and scowled. "Yeah, _that's _appropriate," he growled, glaring at Emmett before trading looks between Esme and myself.

Esme's mouth dropped. "You did _what_, Edward?"

"I--Bella--" Edward began, but I cut in quickly.

"Esme, it's _beautiful _out here," I said, putting my arm around her shoulder, leading her away before the boys would start. "And the house… the pictures didn't do it justice. It's incredible."

Esme shot Edward and Emmett one more scolding look, then took my arm. "Thank you, honey. It's been a lot of work--I'd still like to paint the upstairs bathroom a different color, and maybe build a gazebo to put on the side of the house, but I'm pleased with how everything's turned out so far! Carlisle's been working so hard … although, I can't seem to tear him away from that grill, lately. Every meal we've eaten for the past two weeks has come off of that thing. Even the eggs we're having today were made in a pan, on the _grill_." She smiled lovingly at her husband before turning back to me. "Would you like me to introduce you to Aro? He got here early this morning. Edward told me you've been looking forward to meeting him!"

My heart started to pound, almost as fast as it had been a few minutes ago; only _this _feeling was terrifying. "Uh, yeah, sure," I squeaked, clearing my throat.

"Oh, honey, don't be nervous," said Esme, chuckling, very aware of my admiration for her brother-in-law. "Just think--he and Carlisle used to run around in diapers together."

I laughed timidly, and Esme led me to the end of the patio, where a man was standing with his back to us, and a cell phone pressed to his ear. "Marvelous, Marcus, I'll see you tomorrow," came his deep, but gentle voice. "Right, right--just tell Caius not to forget his note cards this time."

He turned, suddenly, spotting me and Esme, and smiled, holding up his hand in a 'one moment' gesture. My palms were sweating and I quickly wiped them on my dress, knowing I'd probably be shaking his hand. After Aro closed his phone, he slid it into his blazer and looked up at me and Esme. He resembled Carlisle, though his hair was darker, and his eyes were the most curious, deep-rooted shade of blue I'd ever seen, similar to the night sky.

"My phone will be turned off for the rest of the day, I promise," he said with a cheerful smile, winking at Esme. "And, who's this? Edward's Bella, I presume?"

"Yes, this is she," Esme said warmly, guiding me closer. "Bella, this is Aro Cullen. Aro, this is Isabella Swan."

"My goodness, you're even more lovely than Edward described," Aro said, taking my hand with a friendly squeeze.

"Th-thank you," I said, hoping I didn't sound as high-pitched as I thought. "It's really nice to meet you, sir. I've heard a lot about you."

"Ah, don't believe a word of it," he said jovially. I smiled, trying very hard not to think of Emmett's earlier comment about 'snack trays.' "Edward tells me you're quite fond of World literature--you've started a job as a translator, have you not?"

"Uh, yes, a few months ago," I said, trying to swallow my shy voice. "It's been something I've wanted to do for years."

Actually, it was something I'd wanted to do since meeting Edward in college. He and I used to fool around in the library stacks when our roommates were hogging our rooms. One particularly playful evening, a French copy of Odysseus fell on top of my head, and literary sparks flew.

"Anything to do with books, and their words--the languages I've studied are just beautiful," I added, twisting my hands nervously. "Edward gave me your book on Roman Literature last year, too. I--I loved it. I can't even explain how enlightening it was. Your perspective of Roman versus Greek mythology kept me reading for hours."

Aro's peculiar, indigo eyes gleamed. "Well, I'm flattered, young lady. We'll have to sit down and have a chat later."

I nodded, smiling shyly, thinking I should shut up before I made a blathering ass out of myself.

"Well, let's sit down, shall we?" Esme suggested cordially, gesturing to a table that was already set. "Carlisle should be done with the asparagus in a moment. Would you both like some wine, or champagne? Or, I have tons of juice: orange, pineapple, tomato--"

"Esme, dear, you always have enough for a small army," Aro remarked lightly, chuckling. "And, I'll gladly help myself and serve you ladies. What strikes your fancy, young lady?" he asked, glancing at me.

Considering the fact that my heart was a speed demon, and my libido was raging, I figured alcohol wouldn't hurt. "Champagne, please," I said, still too-high pitched for my liking. "Thank you."

"Good choice," Esme replied, taking my arm. "I already have some, myself, Aro. Come and greet your nephews, afterward, if you dare. They're already behaving like trolls."

As if on cue, we glanced over to find Emmett trying to put Edward in a headlock. Aro and I both laughed, and Esme took me over to the table as Aro walked to a small, outside bar to get our drinks. She left to help Carlisle, but not before pulling Edward and Emmett apart, shooing them away from the grill, muttering something about, "burning the house down before the wildfires have a chance." Emmett immediately bounded to the porch, and Edward followed soon after.

"So, Bella," Emmett said quickly. "While the adults aren't listening--what happened in the car? No lying."

Edward rolled his eyes behind his brother, and I couldn't help but smile. "Well, I'm thinking of sizing up Edward's holy poker for a clerical collar, if that answers your question."

Emmett roared with laughter that was so loud, everyone turned to look at us. "Fuck, Bella," he sputtered under his breath.

"What's that word?" I asked, feigning confusion. "I forget what it means."

I'd never seen Emmett in such a state of hilarity as he was right then. Edward simply sucked in his cheeks, which were slightly pink, and said with a sarcastic air, "You guys are hi_la_rious."

"Oh, I could go all day," I replied, raising my eyebrows, meeting Emmett's eyes and biting my lip with another giggle. "Too bad _you _can't," he and I said in unison, and despite the cheesiness, we cracked ourselves up.

"Funny," Edward echoed dully. "At least I can keep my underwear on."

Thankfully, within a few moments, Aro strolled up beside us and graciously handed me a flute of champagne. "Care to let me in on what's so amusing?"

He and the boys exchanged hearty hellos, and regardless of how Edward acted earlier, I couldn't help but watch with affection. I loved seeing him with his family; everything about the Cullens was warm, happy, friendly, and certainly uproarious, at times. Moments like these made me secretly long to be a real part of their family, even though Edward and I had both decided that we weren't in a hurry; a marital certificate wasn't the _only _confirmation that we were in love, after all.

When Esme announced that it was time to eat, Emmett and I sat across from each other, as did Esme and Aro, leaving Edward and Carlisle on the ends of the rectangular table. As everyone started chatting casually and passing plates of food, Edward tapped my hand and mouthed, "Still mad?"

I tried not to smile, but was unsuccessful as I held up my fingers in pinched gesture, indicating 'a little.' He chuckled quietly and we both turned our attention back to the others.

Esme held out a small platter to me. "Would you like a sausage, dear?"

"God, would I _ever_," I uttered, reaching for the tongs. Emmett choked on his iced tea and I carefully avoided Edward's eyes so I wouldn't burst into laughter. "They look great--thanks, Esme. All right, there, Em?"

Emmett nodded, but I could see him struggling to hide a smile. _Ha_.

"It's a shame Rosalie couldn't join us," Aro remarked, casually patting Emmett on the back. "Though, I'm sure Fashion Week would be lost without her."

"Mm," Emmett hummed, clearing his throat and giving me a comical look. "Yeah, she's sorry she couldn't be here, but you know Rosalie. She'd give her kidney for that Dolce and Garbage stuff. I told her to cozy up to one of the fashion designers so she'll get a free wedding dress."

"Oh, Emmett," Esme sighed, spearing a piece of cantaloupe with her fork. "She would never do that."

"Hey, Mom, I'm not complaining," Emmett said cheerfully. "Most of the guys are gay, and the rest are chicks, which is cool with me."

"Leave it to you, Emmett, to make reference to girl-on-girl action at the table," Edward muttered.

Emmett took a bite of his food and said with his mouth full, "Leave it to you, Eddie, to _say _'girl-on-girl' at the table."

"Well, you boys haven't changed a bit," Aro said lightheartedly, raising his glass and, thankfully, changing the subject. "So, Car, how is the university treating you?"

Brunch continued, and between conversation, the sounds of our forks scraping the china, and the gentle rustling of trees in the wind, I was finally relaxed and enjoying myself without thoughts of Edward's knee against my missy-thang. But, then, of course, he had to ruin it.

Out of the blue, his suddenly-shoeless foot slid across my ankle to the underside of my leg. I accidentally spilled a small amount of my champagne as his toes curled, sliding up my calf and firmly pressing into my skin as he reached the bottom of my knee. Calmly, I turned to face him and he gave me a small smile.

_Oh. No. You. Don't. _

I slipped off my right shoe and crossed my leg over my left, angling it toward his chair. Instead of kicking him or shaking him off, I took the opportunity to slide my foot against his leg, taking time to mimic the very same actions he had just performed before abruptly slithering my foot directly into his lap. He straightened immediately, surprised, but no one took notice.

Craftily, I took a bite of my eggs and kept my eyes on Carlisle as I rolled my ankle, feeling in circles for the part of Edward I wished to 'awaken.' He shifted his hips a bit, trying to move where my foot couldn't reach, but I simply scooted my chair closer to his side of the table.

_This is what you get for being a monstrous tease_, I emphasized with my eyes. He vaguely shook his head at me, reaching down to push away my foot, but I wriggled out of his grasp and worked it back into the center of his lap. I didn't look at him, instead pretending to be engrossed in Aro's speech about his latest volunteer work with an Episcopalian Church. No one but Edward knew how non-saintly I was, at the moment. He tried to block my toes from frisking his manly bits with his hand, and his not-so-subtle fidgeting drew Emmett's attention. He took one look at was what going on by the hem of the tablecloth and snorted loudly.

"Got an itch, little brother?" Emmett said, scooting his chair closer to the table, blocking anyone else's view but his own. "There are creams for that."

Edward flushed a shade of pink that gave me a run for my money, and looked as though he wanted to fire up the barbeque and grill Emmett's balls. He jerked his hands back into everyone's view, and I raised my napkin to my mouth to hide my unabashed grin, ready to die of laughter at the looks on everyone else's faces. Indeed, it _did _appear that Edward was ball-grabbing instead of preventing me from foot-fondling his dick. "I was just--"

"Stirring the beans?" Emmett continued, winking at me.

Esme's hiss of "_Emmett!" _pushed me over the edge, and I cackled into my napkin until tears came to my eyes. Edward's eyes were insanely wide as he wildly raked his finger through his hair, resembling a crack-addled Muppet.

"I missed a button," he finally mumbled, reaching for his water with trembling hands, embarrassed.

"Oh!" Carlisle barked, his eyes glinting, and he turned to Aro. "Shall we relive the time you stood up in front of all the Philanthropy Forum investors with your zipper down?"

Aro laughed heartily, and luckily, everyone's attention shifted to his story, which gave me a chance to continue playing under the tablecloth. After Emmett's comment, Edward didn't dare put his hands back in his lap--instead, he tried closing his legs, but I was determined and devious, insistent on teaching him a lesson with "_no hands_," as he had teased, earlier. I could feel him hardening with every rub of my foot, bringing life and blood into the monastery that was Edward's penis.

Only _I _could feel his lap shifting and twitching, but he was doing a remarkable job at keeping his upper body still. The men were boisterously loud, so no one heard Edward's soft grunt … except for Esme. She turned toward Edward, glanced at his still-flushed cheeks and softly inquired if he was all right. He nodded quickly, but Esme leaned over to me in concern. "See if he feels feverish, honey. He would never admit it," she said, keeping her voice low, but not low enough for Edward to miss.

"I'm _fine_, Mom," Edward half-spoke, half-growled, and I sipped my water, trying to choke back another laughing fit before I leaned over the edge of the table. "Come here, honey," I hummed in mock-sympathy, curling my toes over what felt like the "crown of his king" as I reached over to feel his forehead, trying to ignore the fact that Esme was eyeing Edward's expression over my shoulder.

Edward quickly brushed my hand away, murmuring something under his breath, and I smirked, knowing that _no _man would want their mother watching them at a time like this. I twisted my toes, pressing a bit harder into him and brought my foot down in a slow cascade as I sat back in my chair.

When Esme finally decided that he was all right, she turned to put more asparagus on her plate, and I put more pressure on Edward's hot spot.

I'd _never _seen him bite his lip. He was constantly scolding me for doing it myself, telling me not to damage his favorite things to kiss, but here he was, sinking his teeth into his own full, pink bottom lip, practically hissing in salacity. And because he hadn't _relieved _himself in so long, it was taking almost no time at all to make him crazy. He quickly pulled his water glass to his mouth and drank, closing his eyes and letting the rim linger on his lips for much longer than was necessary.

"Bella, I heard you did an internship in Prague."

I glanced toward the group of men, distracted for only a moment. Aro's remarkable, navy eyes were on me. _He's addressing you_. "Oh--yes," I answered, sipping my champagne quickly, trying to get my thoughts in order. "The Anglo-American University last summer. I chose liberal arts, but I picked up a few classes in architecture and Politics of the European Union."

As I spoke, I kneaded Edward's length with the ball of my foot, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see him grasp his fork with white-knuckled fingers.

"Ah," Aro said happily, raising his eyebrows. "Jak se vám to líbilo, má drahoušek? Jsi odešla trvalý dojem?"

Everyone looked at me curiously, and I smiled, feeling my cheeks heat slightly--one, because of the attention, and two, because I could practically feel the pulse of blood coming from Edward's happy place.

"Ono nádherný , být zavázán tebe," I answered with the best accent I could manage, still stroking Edward under the table. "A předpokládám, že jsem to udělal. Jsem zakopl na můj profesor se zbraněmi na první den."

Aro laughed pleasantly, and winked at me before Carlisle offered him more wine. The conversation led toward politics, then, and I fixed my gaze on Edward as I did my fancy footwork, working him with as much vigor as I could while still appearing composed, wishing I could figure out how to undo his zipper.

He took a short breath, and I recognized the spark of a familiar cry that only left his mouth when it was just the two of us. I almost knocked over my glass as a distraction, but he quickly recovered by pretending to cough. Esme gave him another glance, creasing her eyebrows in concern, and Edward straightened his back, resting his chin on his fist.

_I'll show you, Mr. I Can Last _Two _Months._

I brought my other foot into the mix, and focused on keeping my upper body as still as possible as my feet massaged his groin, arching and bending into his solid bulge, and I watched in satisfaction as Edward's chest rose and fell in a shallow rhythm. He tugged at his shirt, appearing to cool himself off, and his crystal-green eyes bore into mine.

I knew that face. He wanted me. _Badly_. And, at the same time, he was warning me to back off.

I smirked and rubbed him harder.

"You know who I've grown most fond of since visiting France?" Aro said, swishing his wine in his glass in a sophisticated manner. "Ernest Chausson. Brilliant composer. Edward, have you heard of his work?"

Edward shifted, inadvertently pressing himself against my left foot, and his legs clenched, tightening. I wriggled anyway, still making contact with swipes of my big toe. His breath was uneven as he turned his attention to the front of the table, his voice catching in a tangled tone. "I have, but I'm not familiar with his pieces."

"Mm, I'll have to send you a record or two. _Le roi Arthus _is splendid," said Aro cheerily.

Edward loosened his legs slightly, and he reached down, once again, to shove my foot away, but I was insistent--he shot me another fierce look, but I slid my foot into the crease of his thigh, one of his hot spots, and his face turned a deeper shade of pink. He put his fist to his mouth, doubtlessly suppressing a moan. I smiled and finally drew my feet back, creating one last bit of friction. I was done playing with him, figuring that I'd gotten my point across. Hopefully, he'd learned his lesson, and if by some magical chance he wanted more, he was just going to have to wait until midnight, like he kept telling me.

The second I broke contact, he exhaled sharply and covered his eyes, earning the rest of the table's attention.

"Edward, are you all right?" Carlisle asked, knitting his eyebrows together to match Esme's disquieted expression.

He didn't answer, and as a few seconds passed in silence, I felt the need to kick him. However, one more touch from _me _probably wasn't quite welcome at the moment.

"Edward?" Aro echoed, looking equally concerned.

Emmett and I shared a knowing glance, and I pressed my lips together, wishing he would suddenly launch into a random conversation about Richard Strauss or Debussy, or even _beatniks _to turn the attention away from himself--this kind of silence was awkward. However, he edgily ran his hand through his thick hair and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Uncle Aro," he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm not feeling well. I think I need to lay down. Please, everyone, continue eating."

He got to his feet quickly, conveniently sliding his chair in an angular direction, so that when he stood up, only his back was visible to the others. Esme almost stood with him, but he hastily made his way from the patio to the house in a matter of seconds. I almost giggled. He had to be nursing the most horrific case of blue balls _ever_, not to mention hiding a raging erection.

As everyone looked around the table with worried glances, except Emmett and myself, I quietly cleared my throat. "I'll go check on him," I said, sliding my feet back into their shoes, and Esme nodded eagerly, looking grateful.

I only imagined that he would head straight for our bedroom, if not the bathroom, to either take care of his man-business and lose the bet, or jump into an icy shower until things were _normal _again. I did find him in the bathroom, but he was only splashing his face.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked in mock-concern, smiling widely as he snapped his head up, flinging drops of water across the mirror.

"_Christ_, Bella," he growled, pressing his face into a towel and rounding on me, gripping my shoulders and pushing me back into the bedroom. "What the _fuck _was that?!"

I grasped his arms, squeezing tightly, unaffected by his harsh tone of voice. He wasn't all the way angry--I could see through his expression. In truth, he was _so _horny, it was almost ridiculous.

"Oh, you can dish it out, but you can't take it, huh?" I said, tapping his nose with my finger. "You could have stopped me if you _really _wanted to. You were enjoying that, and don't you dare pretend otherwise."

"Not in front of my _family_, I wasn't," he hissed, and surprisingly, he lowered his head to my shoulder, panting, sounding as though he'd just finished a triathlon. I glanced down at his pants and noticing that things were still all high and mighty. Damn if I couldn't stop smirking like a proud prom queen--he was putty in my little, seductive hands.

"Should I run downstairs and tell Emmett congratulations?" I asked, trailing my fingers through his hair as he ran his hands down my sides.

"_Fuck_," he muttered under his breath, before exhaling shortly. "Yes. He wins. Call him after we--can we please--"

I raised my eyebrows slowly, curiously, and he stopped, staring at me with pleading eyes. "What?" he asked, and I could feel beads of sweat on his neck. Damn, I really _had _worked him up to a whole new level.

"It's just … what makes you think _we _are going to do anything?" I asked slyly, watching his zealous expression fade to confusion. "I mean, I thought you could go without this for months?"

He didn't catch the plural of my statement; instead, he just stared at me. His entire guise was comical and almost heartbreaking--he looked as though I just told him I wanted to see other people.

"Really? You want me to _beg_?" he asked, loosening his grip on my waist. "Are you kidding, or serious?"

"No, I don't want you to beg," I giggled, continuing to comb his hair back with my hands. "I'm not your _dominatrix_. I'm just telling you what you told me. And you said I'm not supposed to interfere, right?"

His mouth dropped. "You call what you just did downstairs _non_-interference?!"

"I'm just saying, if you're going to lose this bet, you're going to lose it all by yourself." I unclasped his hands from my hips and pressed them to his chest, tapping my fingers on his knuckles. "You have two hands," I added with a smile, then kissed his cheek.

Edward gaped at me, a strangled laugh thick in his throat, and he took a step back. "Unbelievable," he said, running his hands through his hair, which stuck out from the lingering drops of water. "And _you _were the one who complained before that _I_ wouldn't do anything with you, much less--"

"Oh, don't even," I interrupted, quickly growing irritated. "You teased me like you would a kitten with string, Mr. Handsy McTouchy-Feely-Behind-the Ficus. Don't pretend like you weren't having fun with all of it, either."

"Jesus, I wasn't having fun just to _spite _you!" He groaned and crawled onto the bed, shoes and all, and collapsed onto the pillows.

I couldn't help but feel infuriated. "Oh, _weren't _you? Do you even remember the past two hours, or am I just delusional?!"

He didn't answer me, and I waited to see if he would make a move to put himself out of his blue-ball misery, but he merely wrapped his arms around a pillow and sighed, closing his eyes.

I gazed at him skeptically. "Do you want me to give you some privacy, or--?"

"Just go make an excuse to my family, please," he muttered, not looking at me. "Say I have a headache, and I'll be fine for the party."

A silent minute went by, and I stubbornly stood in place, trying to calm my thoughts. The more I studied him, the more I started feeling a gnawing sense of guilt in my stomach. I could argue all I wanted, but I had done something pretty stupid--and with his family in close proximity, no less, which was completely awkward and weird when I thought about it--and now, he was probably in pain from not receiving the release his body craved. Suddenly, this wasn't funny anymore, and nowhere near entertaining. He looked miserable, and it was all because of me and my copycat teasing.

"Edward, why don't you just go take a shower and get it over with?" I asked quietly. "I mean, honestly, if we, you know … _do _it, now, it's not going to be fun, it's going to--"

His voice was hoarse when he spoke. "Bella, leave me alone, please."

I rubbed my neck, sighing lightly. "What do I tell Emmett, if he asks?"

"The truth," he spat, wiping his forehead. "I gave in. Tell him I'll pay him later."

"I--I can make something up," I offered, biting my lip. "He doesn't have to know that--"

"Just get _out_, won't you?!" he exclaimed harshly, rolling over until I couldn't see his face.

A cold feeling of shame swept through me at his tone. Edward hadn't yelled at me before--not even once in the six years we'd been together. We'd fought, but he never raised his voice, even when _I _did. And the first time was because of _this_--this exasperating, _ridiculous _bet.

I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, sweeping my fingers over his arm. "Baby, I'm sorry…" I said softly, gently squeezing his shoulder.

"_Bella_," he growled threateningly, "I said get out. Right now."

I let my hand linger on his warm skin for a few moments more, then got up, walking sulkily to the door.

"I shouldn't have done that," I said, knowing that I was probably just pissing him off further, but I couldn't help it. "I was mad about this morning. Emmett said you wanted to go without all this for _two _months, instead--that he had to convince you to just make it one. Did you remember we would have been on vacation if you had agreed to two?"

He didn't answer, or look at me.

"And then in the car…" I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me. I felt like an idiot, not even sure what I was trying to explain. "It felt like the first time you ever touched me like that. I … I just got caught up. Then, when you stopped, I--"

He suddenly sat up, wincing and hissing under his breath, and glared at me. "What don't you understand about the words, 'Get. Out. Of. This. _Room_?'"

I blushed fiercely, feeling my stomach churn as I turned away, tears brimming on the cusp of my eyelashes. My mind swirled, wondering if he was really that angry with me, all because of sex--or lack thereof. I didn't want to cry in front of him, but I wasn't about to go outside and be pink-eyed and puffy in front of his family, either.

"Bella," he continued, his voice full of exasperation, "did you honestly think it was funny to--"

"Did you think it was _funny _to mock me in front of Carlisle?" The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. "Was it funny to tease me downstairs, when your family was right outside?" I demanded. "How about when you tossed me off of you in the car like _my _feelings didn't matter? Oh, yes, that's right. You laughed your ass off."

"I--"

"And I'm sure it was _hysterical_ when you bragged that you could do this for _two _months," I said sarcastically. "You know, maybe right before midnight, you can have a drink with Emmett and renew this little bet. Have your two months. In fact, make it _five _months, why don't you? Make it a year! Or is that not enough time away from me, either?"

Choking back a feeble whimper, I blindly reached for my purse and pulled out my checkbook. My hand shook as I wrote, and accidentally tore a small corner as I ripped the slip out of the booklet.

"_Here_," I said, walking over and thrusting the five-hundred dollar check into his hands. "Here's your money. You win, and so does Emmett. And I lose. Does that make you feel better?"

He stared at me in shock as tears streamed down the planes of my cheeks, and I turned and stalked from the room, slamming the door behind me. The smacking thump echoed down the hallway and I hoped to God that no one outside had heard it. I stopped in one of the bathrooms and carefully wiped under my eyes with a tissue, soaking up the tears and little streaks of mascara, feeling all kinds of emotastic. I had a full five minutes of self-pity and silence, and Edward never came looking for me. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to.

When I looked as normal as I was going to get, I went downstairs and out to the patio, telling a convincing story of Edward not having slept well the night before, and how he was paying for it with a headache--that he just needed to rest. Thankfully, everyone seemed to buy it, but I had a harder time covering for myself.

"What's the matter, Bella?" Esme asked, giving me her all-knowing mommy eyes. Women always knew when something was up, almost like a built-in chip that alerted them to freaky bursts of estrogen and adrenaline. "Your eyes … have you been--"

I felt my cheeks heat, mentally kicking myself for not putting up a better 'happy face.' "Oh, I guess I'm just tired, too," I said quickly, before she could say 'crying.' "I'm going to go sit with Edward for awhile, if that's all right."

"Sure, honey, take as much time as you need," said Esme, tenderly patting my hand while Carlisle and Aro gave me identical, friendly smiles.

"Oh, Emmett," I said, catching him with his fork halfway to his mouth. "Edward wants you for a minute."

Emmett took a large bite of sausage and shrugged. "'Kay," he said obliviously, in the midst of chewing. Normally, I would have laughed, but I was still walking a fine line on the blubbering ledge. I quickly turned to walk inside before my smile could waver any further.

Like a baby duckling, Emmett followed me into the house and up the stairs, and I finally rounded on him, unsure if I wanted to hit him because he had started this whole thing, or because he had goaded me into changing my clothes and riling me up enough to behave like a hussy, _or _because I was just a mindless twit who had no one to blame but herself.

"What's up?" he asked casually, as if we'd just sat down at a fucking bar.

I clenched my fists and opened my mouth to yell, preparing to go all Lorena Bobbit on his lower half. For a few seconds, I simply stared, agape, and in the next moment, my chin began quivering, and I ended up falling into his chest, clutching at his shirt as I started sobbing.

Immediately, his huge arms were around me, squeezing me tightly. "Bells, what's wrong? What happened? What did he do?"

He let me cry for awhile, rubbing my back, and eventually, I sniffled and released him to wipe my face. _So much for make-up preservation_. "Will you just go in there and get my suitcase, please? It's the red one. The black duffel bag is mine, too."

"What's going on?" Emmett asked, looking concerned. "Are you guys fighting?"

_Duh, jackass._

"I can't go in there," I said quickly, giving him a nudge toward the room. "And you and I are going to be roommates, so I need my bags."

He looked at the door cautiously. "Is he _actually _sick, or something? Is that why you can't go in? I mean--you think it's contagious?"

"No worries, Em, I'm pretty sure you can't catch assholery," I muttered, rolling my watery eyes.

Emmett ran his fingers through his mop of curly hair. "Oh," he said heavily as the math finally clicked. "Aw, Bella, I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. He'll snap out of it and come crawling to you with stuffed animals and roses, sooner or la--"

"Red and black bags, okay?" I interrupted, biting back another onslaught of tears. "And my dress. Just--he'll tell you what's mine."

I turned around and walked down the hall to Emmett's room, leaving him looking baffled. Once inside, I closed the door and stretched out on the bed, pulling my knees to my chest. I gave a tired glance at the clock and grunted. I had a little less than seven hours before the party started to pull myself together, and it was going to take a lot more than make-up to cover the shame, resentment, and unhappiness that was surely radiating from my face.

After awhile, Emmett came back with my bags and placed them on the floor by the bed, heaving a sigh. He looked at me with slight pity before his eyes widened intensely, and he quickly stared up at the ceiling.

"Um, Bella?"

"What?" I asked, frozen in place, unsure if there was a spider by my shoulder, or something.

"You're, uh … you're still missing your underwear."

I glanced down at my legs and realized that by pulling my knees to my chest, I was flashing him a full view of my cabbage patch, and then some. I yanked down my dress and groaned, mortified, and Emmett flew from the room like someone had lit his ass on fire.

I knew I should have stayed in my khakis.

=:=:=

**Yeah, I bring the angst everywhere. Can't help myself. There's still one more chapter. S'all good.**

**I was searching for pretty houses in the Monterey, CA area and came across this: ****http://www[dot]architecturaldigest[dot]com/homes/homes/archive/pelli_slideshow_072001?slide=8globalNav**** so if you want to see the inspiration (well … the exact picture, if I'm being honest) for Carlisle & Esme's house, there you go.**

**Oh, and if you're wondering what Aro & Bella were blah-blah-blah-whaaa?ing about, they were speaking Czech. No, I'm not fluent, but the internet is a wondrous thing. Here's what they were saying: **

**Jak se vám líbí, má drahá? Jsi odešla trvalý dojem? -- How did you like it, my dear? Did you leave a lasting impression?**

**Ono nádherný , být zavázán tebe. A předpokládám, že jsem se - na můj profesor literatury, tak jako tak. Zakopl jsem mu do náruče na první den ve třídě. -- It was beautiful, thank you. And I suppose I did--on my literature professor, anyway. I tripped into his arms on the first day of class.**

**Thanks for reading, and don't be mad at these two. Sexual frustration will do odd things to you! ;)**


	4. The Misunderstanding

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I own Blueballsward. Snort.**

**So, hiiii. It's been Jes's (queenofgrey's) birthday for what - over half a year, now? (Yeah, sorry about that, wifey. :/ ) One day, maybe I'll learn to juggle my writing projects properly. Or, you know, maybe someone will decide to pay me to write fic … HEY. YOU LAUGH, BUT IN DISNEY WORLD, I WAS TOLD THAT DREAMS COME TRUE, OKAY?**

**Little recap: Last chapter, Bella decided that she'd had enough of Edward teasing her with his words and his manly bits, so she introduced her foot to Edward Jr. under the table - during brunch. It was awkward, but there was no talking her out of it. Then, you know, Edward pitched a tent and had to book it upstairs because he almost combusted at the table, and they had a fight about it. Then Emmett saw Bella's vajayjay - accidentally, of course. Not a good day for anyone, really. So, continue on this crazy ride if you wish.**

**=:=:=**

I sat like a schoolgirl on the counter of the bathroom vanity and leaned close to the mirror, tentatively extracting small bits of white napkin from my curls. My sexy dress was bunched up to my thighs like a pair of forest green hot pants and my feet were planted in the sink for balance - yet, I couldn't bring myself to care how unladylike I appeared. It wasn't as if I had an audience, anyway; I was alone in my room - well, Emmett's room - hiding out and feeling like the black sheep of the party.

Earlier, I'd thought that a few glasses of Riesling would have put me at ease after the day's events, but I'd only ended up feeling unsteady and increasingly anxious, instead of calm and bubbly. Also, my reaction time had been hindered - I was now fussing with my hair because Tanya, one of Edward's cousins, had drunkenly sloshed half of her Italian Surfer cocktail onto the top of my head as she'd exclaimed something about how I_ had _to order some kind of brandy-infused sponge cake with butter cream icing for my wedding because it was "better than sex against the wall." Or, my inability to dodge a cascade of rum and juice could have been due to her ill-timed, ironic statement, or the confusion of why she was talking to me about wedding cake. I couldn't blame her mistake; I rarely saw the Denalis, and since I'd been sticking to Emmett's side for most of the party, I was pretty sure she thought I was Rosalie.

Edward had witnessed the rainfall of liquor onto my head, and I had been expecting to hear him laugh or blurt out, "How about that bitch called Karma, babe?" Instead, he'd mumbled a scornful, "Jesus fucking Christ," and simply stalked away to the kitchen as Tanya tried to wipe my hair with an already-soaked napkin. After Irina, another cousin, had dragged Tanya's drunk ass to the bathroom, I'd hightailed it upstairs to dry off, trying not to burst into tears for the umpteenth time.

I sighed as I got another whiff of maraschino cherries and Bacardi - my hair reeked of alcohol and the crumbled bits of Tanya's napkin that were stuck between the strands made me look like I had confetti-sized dandruff. As I continued to pick little pieces of white fluff out of my hair, a knock sounded from the door. I flinched, knocking a row of toiletries off the sink and accidentally kicking the spigot with a loud crack of my toes.

"Shiiiit," I hissed, rubbing the throbbing skin, and quickly jumped down from the counter and bounded into the bedroom. I pulled at the hem of my dress, feeling paranoid that someone might burst in and get another inadvertent peek under my skirt. At least, this time, I was wearing a thong, but it wasn't like those little skanky triangles covered anything. I hated wearing ass-floss, but I figured panty-lines were the kind of fashion faux pas that would make Rosalie gag. Even if she wasn't around, I could still hear her scolding 'Devil Wears Prada' voice in the back of my head.

"Come in," I squeaked, my heart pounding in anxiety, wondering who had come to find me - or rather, if Edward had, because he was all I could think about. When the door slowly opened and Emmett's large frame appeared, I couldn't help but slump my shoulders in slight disappointment. "Oh. Hey."

"Hey," he said quietly, slipping inside and closing the door. "You've been up here awhile."

"Have I?" I frowned, hoping my absence hadn't seemed rude.

"Yeah, you missed Uncle Aro stripping down to his Mickey Mouse boxers and singing _I Want to Be Somebody's Baby_," Emmett said, winking.

I rolled my eyes, cracking a smile, and sat on the bed, folding my hands in the crease of my dress. "Video, or it didn't happen," I joked.

Emmett studied me thoughtfully before sitting beside me and nudging my shoulder. "Looks like a snowflake shit on your head."

I sucked my bottom lip against my teeth, trying not to laugh. "Well, you _could _make me feel better and spill a drink on your crotch."

"Only if you're the one holding it," he said, grinning a bit. "You could trip and everything. Much more believable." At my slight sigh, he tapped his feet and heaved a breath of his own. "So, uh … look, Bella… if I would have known this would be the result of this whole bet thing, I wouldn't have egged it on for so long."

I looked at him, pointedly raising my eyebrows.

"No, I'm serious." Looking like an apologetic child who'd been caught with their hands in a cookie jar, he fiddled with his tie and gave me puppy eyes that would melt the heart of a demonic snowman. "I mean, Edward's my little brother. I've got the older sibling complex - I always talk him into stupid shit for fun. Take that scar on his left arm - did he ever tell you how he got it?"

I nodded, still absentmindedly picking at my hair. "When he broke his arm playing football?"

Emmett chuckled. "_That's _what he told you, huh?" He snorted under his breath and continued. "Awhile back, there was this huge motherfucker of a tree in our old yard, and I bet him he wouldn't be able to climb up even halfway before crying for Mom. And hell, _I _was scared of climbing that thing - it was all decayed and totally unsteady. I didn't think he'd actually do it, but Edward always wanted to - I don't know - _prove _himself, or something, and damn if he didn't scale that stupid tree like a crackpot monkey and fall out once he was fifteen feet in the air."

"Lots of little boys climb trees," I pointed out. "Superman-complex, you know? It's an adventure to defy danger."

Emmett laughed, shaking his head. "He was _eighteen _when it happened. He knew how dumb it was to do, but he just wanted to shove it in my face."

"So, is this the part where you tell me we're all a bunch of idiots for climbing the proverbial tree of chastity?" I asked, monotone.

"Well, maybe, but more like the part where I perform my other brotherly duty," he said, putting his arm around me. "It's my familial right to get Edward into trouble, but it's also my job to get him out of it. And since I started this whole thing, I think I should take some of the blame, here."

I frowned, brushing my cocktail-soaked hair out of my eyes. "You didn't force him to stick to it, and it wasn't your fault that I acted like such a hussy, either. And _you _didn't scream at me to get out of your room."

He squeezed my shoulder, pursing his lips. "I'm still sorry. And so is he - he wants to talk to you."

"He wants to break up with me."

Emmett scoffed a laugh. "Yeah, right. And I want to become vegan. Get up."

"Nooo," I whined, resisting his tugging on my hands. "My hair…"

"Oh, since when do you care about your hair?" He bent over to dig in my duffel and pulled out my trusty hair dryer. "Here. At least something can get blown around here."

He dodged my elbow, cracking up at his own joke, and I dutifully entered the bathroom, proceeding to dry my hair and praying that the damn thing wouldn't spark and ignite my entire head. After I convinced myself that my hair didn't resemble Ronald McDonald's too closely, I walked back into the bedroom.

Emmett patted my poof of curls. "There you go. So, come on, Bella-beanie-baby, let's go pull the stick out of Edward's ass and enjoy the rest of the party. I bet you five-hundred dollars that he'll be begging your forgiveness, first," he said, winking.

"If you value your future children, you won't say the words 'I bet you' for the next few years, or I'll put your balls in Esme's Magic Bullet," I muttered.

He cringed. "Ew, Bella, that's my _mom_."

"Oh, my _God_, Emmett, it's a vegetable dicer," I said, rolling my eyes, causing him to break into his ever-familiar, jovial-bear-like laughter. Yeah, he laughed, but I would totally commit testecide if I was pushed much further.

He linked my arm with his and escorted me into the hallway and down the stairs, giving me no time to breathe before walking straight toward the back door, where Aro, Carlisle, and Edward were talking.

During the whole evening, time had slipped away faster than I'd expected. Since I'd been constantly helping Esme with preparing some food, along with assisting a caterer, Edward and I hadn't had a chance to talk - not more than a few words, anyway. Every time I had approached him to incoherently stutter over an attempted apology, I'd freeze at the sight of his bleak, beautiful eyes and chicken out, instead uttering, "Esme is asking if you can park your car down the street," or "Emmett wants to know if he can borrow your navy blue tie," instead of '_I'm sorry. I'm stupid. I love you. Forgive me… please?"_

Once the party had started, there wasn't much of a chance to do anything but pretend like everything was fine. It was like an unspoken agreement: excluding Emmett, no one needed to know that Edward and I had fought. It was hard to mask our melancholy, but with the growing crowd of guests, we managed it, somehow. At least when _he _dropped his façade for a minute, he had a convenient excuse - saying he still felt a bit off-color from earlier - while I had to swallow my dejection, plaster a fake smile on my face for everyone else, and continue to pretend that rainbows were shooting out of my ass. Edward had introduced me to random strangers and once he was pulled into a discussion about completing his dissertation, I slipped away and made an effort to cheerfully mingle with the others. Now, I was almost too nervous to face him, again.

"Em," I said, catching hold of the banister, stopping Emmett from ushering me over to his family. "I - I don't know what to say to him - I can't just walk up in front of - " Edward's eyes caught mine right then, and the term 'deer in headlights' wasn't even appropriate enough - not unless the deer was peeing all over himself on the highway, trembling, as the juggernaut of all headlights was careening toward him.

I froze, slightly lightheaded, and dug my fingers into Emmett's arm, not understanding why seeing me would cause such a reaction - he'd seen me all night, after all, and nothing had changed. As quickly as Edward's peculiar stare had come, it focused back on his father, and he mumbled something only they could hear. "Why … why did he look at me like that?" I softly whispered to Emmett, feeling my stomach twist. "I thought you said he wanted to talk to me."

Emmett scrunched his face, and I couldn't decipher the emotion. "He does."

"How did he say it? Sincerely? Reluctantly?"

"You girls and your analysis on _everything _we say - "

"Well, Jesus, did you see his _eyes?" _I said sulkily, turning away and walking to the sitting room, which, thankfully, was empty. Emmett followed and I leaned against the piano, tilting my head back and breathing in Esme's floral-scented potpourri. "He looked like I was about to serve him a court-ordered castration."

"He's got a lot on his mind. I'm pretty sure Dad and Uncle Aro are grilling him on his doctorate, or something."

I chewed on my lip, stealing a glance out the window to see the sun beginning to set, and I found myself wishing I could go down with it, simply disappear into the horizon and wake up again in the morning with a fresh start. After a minute of my broody sun-gazing, Emmett gave me a nudge. "Hey, want me to get you a drink? You could spill it on my crotch, now. It'll give me a good excuse to get out of these preppy pants and put on some jeans."

I laughed, feeling some of the tension ease. "Go for it. Make it something with cranberry. It'll stain, and you'll never have to wear them again."

"Such a little conniver," he said, tugging a piece of my hair and wagging his eyebrows. "Want any appetizers? Maybe a cocktail weenie and a mini muffin? Put 'em together and you'll have a tiny good time."

"Oh, my _God_, _cut it out_!" I cried, bursting into laughter and smacking his shoulder. "Maybe _you _need to get some. I'm telling Rosalie to get you a silicone replica of her vagina for Christmas, you pervert."

Emmett's eyes turned serious. "They can _do _that?"

"Seriously, Em, is that _all _you think about?" I said, shaking my head.

"More or less," Emmett said with a grin. "Rosalie's been gone for almost a week and a half. I'm getting antsy."

I rolled my eyes, still chuckling. "You would have _never _lasted the bet. You should just pay Edward for making it this long, regardless."

"Well, I would, but I don't think he would accept it," he admitted, bobbing his shoulders. "He already paid me."

My smile melted almost instantly. "He what?"

"Don't worry, I'm not going to keep it," he went on, loosening his tie and dramatically clearing his throat. "Damn, I hate ties."

"Emmett - _focus_. What do you mean, he paid you? When?"

"When I went in to get your bags," he explained. "He wrote me a check and said '_Congratulations_,' like the moody motherfucker he is. Then, you know, that's when I realized this whole thing had gotten way too deep, and there was no way I could actually _keep _any of his money and feel good about it. I tried to give it back, but he wasn't having any of it. I figure I'll just rip it up, later."

I ran my fingers along the neckline of my dress, feeling uncomfortable, once again. A few people walked past us, taking seats in the scattered chairs and chatting with drinks in their hands, and when one man remarked in passing, "Pretty bride you've got there, Emmett," and winked, Emmett clasped my hand and sighed.

"That's enough," he said under his breath. "People should be complimenting Edward on _his _date, not mistaking you for mine. You're going to talk to him."

I didn't even have time to protest, because as soon as we turned the corner, Emmett literally bumped into Edward, who nearly spilled the drinks he was carrying. He stared at us and the way my hand was tucked into his brother's, and then held out a bottle of beer to Emmett without a word.

Emmett took it and swallowed a mouthful. "Thanks. But didn't anyone ever teach you to get drinks for your girlfriend before your brother?"

Edward's eyes drifted to me, and he looked slightly ashamed of himself as he said, so quietly, "Would you like me to get you something?"

I felt all the blood in my body rise to my cheeks as I shook my head. At this point, I was scared my hands might shake too badly to keep from spilling anything. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Edward cleared his throat and said, "Em, I need to talk to you for a minute, please."

Emmett rubbed a comforting hand on my back, but it didn't stop me from shrinking backward. He gripped my shoulder to stop me, and gave Edward an acute stare. "I think you have someone other than me to speak to."

I couldn't tell if Edward looked at me or not, because I was staring at the ground, hoping that no one else around us was speculating our strange, melancholy behavior. I only heard his voice, a gruff murmur, "I need to talk to you, _first_."

Something wasn't right. Apprehension, anxiety, and apologies were wrapped into his shaky voice - the one he used when he'd accidentally tinted my favorite white shirt pink in the laundry, or when he broke the news that he'd spilled Magellan's bowl - my old beta fish - and then stepped on him while trying to catch him, mid-flail. _Or_, when he'd confessed that he was super gluing his pants closed for thirty days.

"If it's all right with you boys," came a smooth, familiar voice, "would you mind if I steal Bella for a bit?"

Aro had walked up behind Edward and was smiling cordially, and there couldn't have been a better time for his invitation; he saved me from having to walk away and become a wallflower for the rest of the night, anyway. Of course, the boys didn't protest, and Aro led me over to a small bench outside the sitting room, keen on continuing our conversation on world literature. At first, I listened with eager ears, desperate to turn my attention to something I could make sense of, and shyly added my insight. But, eventually, the desire to peek over at Edward proved too great, and I couldn't help sneaking glimpses at him around the corner, especially when Aro remarked, "Edward's always talked about you with such devotion. Every time he would mention your name, his eyes would light up like the tree at Rockefeller. I've never seen him so happy, you know."

That seemed almost ironic, right now, because at that very moment, as if on cue, Edward glanced over at me and instantly looked as though he might vomit up his glass of Dom Perignon, or whatever the hell he was drinking. He and Emmett quickly turned away from me after that, and a growing sort of dread began to build in my stomach. When Aro continued the conversation, and asked me if I preferred Julius Caesar over Livy, the only response I could think of was 'I foot-fondled your nephew at brunch today, and then I wouldn't put out, and now he hates me.'

When Aro excused himself to take a phone call, I casually got up and walked over to the piano, somewhat hiding behind it since Emmett and Edward had their backs to me, and hadn't noticed my move. I couldn't pretend like I wasn't trying my best to eavesdrop; if that made me a slippery bitch, then oh well. I was getting too nervous to take any more silence or hissy-fit looks of doom. I listened carefully, but they were too quiet, and as I peeked over one more time, I saw Emmett lean over and whisper something to Edward. Whatever he said must have either been funny, or shocking, because Edward choked mid-sip of champagne and nearly spit a mouthful of foam all over himself.

Accidentally, I leaned my hand over the piano keys, creating a cacophonous blare of notes, and they both turned toward me. I tried not to curse, as I'd been determined to remain unseen, and spun around. And, in true Gravity-Hates-Bella fashion, I stumbled over my shoe and fell right into the Ficus. It practically toppled, and would have, if it wasn't for the wall to catch it. My shoes slid on the floor, and the pot clattered as I finally caught my balance and stabilized the tree. Sighing, and feeling as though my cheeks could be used to defrost meat, I looked up to find the boys, along with a handful of other people staring at me. I simply pressed my back against the wall, staring at the carpet and trying to appear nonchalant, as if Ficus-hugging was the new crossing-my-legs.

I didn't look up again until I heard footsteps walking in my direction. Edward stood with one hand in his pocket, the other raking through his hair, looking like a beautiful mess. He opened his mouth to speak and only ended up coughing, his cheeks pink, still recovering from his drink-sputter.

"You okay?" I asked in a mousy voice, and he nodded.

"I… you… I…" he eventually rasped, fisting his hair with white knuckles and clearing his throat. "I'm…" He took a quick breath, and said in a hushed voice, "I can't."

I eyeballed him, feeling a sort of gnashing in my stomach. "C-can't do what?"

Suddenly, Emmett popped out of nowhere, like a goddamn speech bubble. "So, getting freaky with the Ficus, huh, Bella-bean?" he chuckled and good-naturedly elbowed Edward. "Dude, look what you've turned her into."

I pressed my lips together for a moment. "You know, Emmett, if we weren't in dress clothes, and Esme hadn't spent so much time on this house, I'd push you out of those pretty windows."

Edward coughed again, and for a second, I thought I might have heard a laugh in there, too. I hoped so, but it was probably my imagination. _What couldn't he do? _

Emmett smacked Edward on the back, a little too hard. "Why don't you go take a _minute_, Eddie? Go get some water and swallow it, this time." With that, he pushed Edward in the direction of the hallway, and shook his head.

"What, are _you two _fighting, now?" I asked after Edward had turned the corner.

"No, but I might have to kick his ass if he doesn't get his shit together," he mumbled.

"What the hell did you say to him?" I demanded in a quiet, but harsh whisper.

Emmett casually took a sip of his beer. "Told him I saw your vag."

My gasp was so loud, I caused one of the servers to whirl around, knocking another guest on the head with a tray, almost upsetting the wine glasses. Emmett grabbed my hand, shushing me with a squeeze.

"I'm _kidding_," he said, chuckling. "I told him to get his dick out of his mouth and put it somewhere useful, like under your skir- "

I cleared my throat in interruption, reaching to grab a glass from the wine tray. When the server was out of earshot, I mumbled, "Emmett, from now on, wherever you are in life, you can't talk about dicks when the lights are dimmed. Got it?"

He shrugged. "Whatever you say. I was trying to loosen him up. He's wound tighter than your girly bits."

"_Enough _of that, _please_," I said, wanting to cradle my head. "And don't lie. He's avoiding me."

"That's because he feels like an asshole." Emmett placed his hand on my back and started walking, leading me out of the sitting room. "You've known him for six years, but I've known him his whole life. He's trying to think of a way to make this right. And he's got a lot on his mind."

"Like what, how to get the blue out of his balls?" I grumbled, still stung from the whole entire day.

"That, among other things, " he said, blowing out his breath. "What a crazy night. Month, even."

"You're telling me. All because you had to triple-dog-dare him." Emmett's burly shoulders drooped the slightest bit and I frowned, apologetic. "Sorry. It's really not your fault."

And it wasn't. The truth was, I was insecure. I couldn't stop thinking that Edward had just had enough of me, regardless of his insistence that the bet 'wasn't about us.' Even before the bet, he'd been working extremely hard, putting in long hours at the office and taking more business trips than were necessary to fill his time quota; I'd missed him, then, too, and he assured me that he was only trying to bulk up his savings account - and because of all of the overtime hours, I figured he wasn't exactly hard-pressed for cash. So, most likely, the bet hadn't been about _money_. I supposed there was truth in Edward's 'I have to prove my brother wrong, because we're twelve years old and I pinky-promised myself' explanation… but maybe he'd simply wanted time away from me, after all.

_No. Stop thinking like that right now._

He'd assured me, over and over, that he loved me - that our relationship was still fine - and with all of his earlier, eager teasing, he hadn't seemed to have lost interest in _touching _me. But I couldn't help feeling like I was the only one missing out on a big secret… or, I was just an idiot.

"I guess we just weren't thinking," Emmett continued as we stopped outside of the kitchen.

"It's okay. Neither was I." Tanya's drunken laughter was echoing from the other side of the wall, and if I hadn't cared about impressing Edward's family, and their friends, I would have walked in there and asked her if we could do a few shots together.

"Well, at least we're young. It gives us an excuse to be stupid and sex-crazed, right?" Emmett said, nudging me with a grin and plucking the wine glass out of my hand. "Give me this, and go talk to him."

I looked around, unsure of where Edward had gone, but then my eyes widened as I saw Rosalie step through the front door of the house, exquisitely dressed, of course. As soon as she saw me, she broke into a wide smile.

"Bella!" she called cheerily, hurrying over to me. Before I could even say hello, she threw her arms around me in a bone-crushing hug, putting Emmett's strength to shame. "Oh, my God - hi! I can't believe I _missed _it!" She continued squeezing me, squealing under her breath in a very girly, non-Rosalie way. When she finally let me go, she was beaming.

"What are you talking about?" I asked obliviously, mirroring her silly grin. "Aren't you supposed to be in Aspen?"

"Well, I wanted to come surprise you guys, and then my stupid flight was delayed and it _figures _I wouldn't make it in time for everything," she chattered, squeezing my shoulders before reaching for my hands.

"Rose - " Emmett said quickly.

"Oh, wait a minute, honey, I'll hug you in a minute," she said, ignoring him, which was extremely surprising; normally, she would have been attached to his lips by now. "I'm just _so _excited, and I can't _wait _to start plan - "

"_Rosalie_."

Emmett's hushed, but severe voice made us freeze, and I darted my eyes to him with a dumbfounded expression, raising my eyebrows. I expected him to roll his eyes and make a smart-ass comment about 'mile-a-minute-chick-talk,' but he looked as though someone had just told him that Fantasy Football had been discontinued, or that he'd have to eat Tofurkey on Thanksgiving. "I - Rose -" he started, looking a little panicked, and I turned to find Rosalie staring at my hands.

"What?" I asked quickly, feeling a wash of unease churn in my stomach. Why the hell was everyone acting so strange? I needed a spa. Like, right now.

"I…" Rosalie glanced up, and it was her turn to look befuddled. "It's just … I thought…" She rubbed her thumbs over my fingers, looking slightly flustered as her eyes drifted to Emmett. I looked between the two of them, tennis-match style, and Rosalie finally blurted out with a smile that was much too wide, "I thought I'd taught you better than that, that's all. That color of nail polish is _all _wrong for you, Bell. Pink polish with a green dress is a fashion no-no. It's watermelon-syndrome. You need a neutral, sweetie."

"Oh," I replied, self-consciously curling my hands into fists, hiding my nails. I'd never heard Rosalie talk so fast. "Okay." Obviously, I couldn't do anything right today, and I really doubted that a manicure would be a magical fix-all situation for my fashion sense, but I was too tired to care. "So, what do you mean? You can't wait to plan what?"

"Vacation," she said calmly, looking more like her composed self as she smoothed her hair and her cheeks relaxed. "We only have two weeks to plan your wardrobe. And _mine_, of course."

I nodded, my brow still puckered in confusion. "I guess that makes sense." It really didn't, but I was too tired to guess why else she would be so thrilled.

"Yup," Emmett said eagerly, setting my wine and his beer to the side and slipping his hand into Rosalie's. "Can I have my kiss, now, or do you want to go jump on Edward, next?"

"Aww, sorry, babe," she cooed, standing on her toes and, like always, they started making out like _that _couple - the kind who just never gave a shit who saw.

I let my breath out just as Edward rounded the corner, stopping short at the full-on face-swallowing between his brother and Rose. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me, and I shrugged, because the sight of them kissing was the only thing that made sense to me, at the moment. Rosalie must have heard his footsteps because she suddenly broke away from Emmett and proceeded to give Edward the strangest smile I'd ever seen.

"Hi, _Edward_," she said pointedly, reaching over to give him a hug. "Sorry I'm so _late _for the party. Though, I'm not really that _late_, am I?"

I shook my head, answering for him. "The sun's not even down yet, honey. You're fine."

Rosalie hummed her agreement and released Edward, who hissed his breath through his teeth and muttered, "Jesus, you don't have to pinch me."

"Well, you'll be my brother in three months," she answered coolly. "I have to practice antagonizing you at some point, Mr. Abstinence-Pants."

I slowly backed up against the wall, a little taken aback by Rose's harsh tone; she and Edward usually got along well. Maybe Emmett had called and relayed that Edward and I had been arguing… yes, that would make sense. If so, she would, of course, take my side. She thought the bet between the boys was ridiculous, and, early on, she'd made it very clear that if Emmett had gone along with the wager in the first place, she would have 'George Foreman'd his joystick.'

"Good to see you, too, Rosalie," Edward grumbled, rubbing his neck.

She gave him another glare before focusing her eyes back on me. "Bella, why do you look like you're about to bolt out the door?"

I hadn't realized I was grasping the sides of my dress in a python-like grip, and quickly let go, trying to appear relaxed. "I'm fine," I murmured.

Rose narrowed her eyes again, searching everyone's faces, and probably sensing the same thing that I did: something was off.

"Hey, babe," Emmett piped up, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Why don't we get you a drink? Mom bought a bottle of Moscato, just for you."

"I thought you said you came here to surprise us," I said to Rosalie, and then stared at Emmett. "You knew she was coming? Esme knew, too?" I sternly dipped my eyebrows as I looked to Edward, whose eyes were boring holes at his brother.

"Ah, Bella, I'm just trying to make her feel special," Emmett said quickly, but Rosalie suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me to the side, away from the boys. "Wait a minute," she whispered, seeming perplexed. "You didn't say _no, _did you?"

I blinked, my mouth parting in uncertainty. "Did I… what?"

"Hey, _Mom_!" Emmett effectively cut us off with his booming voice, making half of the party turn in his direction, including Esme, who spun around frantically as if something were wrong. He grabbed Rosalie and steered her toward the living room, yelling, "Look who's here!"

Still glued to the wall of the foyer, under the glow of a wooden sconce, Edward and I watched as Esme enveloped Rosalie in her arms, and like a domino effect, more family members and curious friends all but lined up to play meet-and-greet. I pressed the heels of my palms to my forehead, trying to iron out the knolls of phantom wrinkles that were making my head pound. Rosalie's question wasn't helping to ease my mind - did I say no to _what? _Drugs? Yes, I did. The question was, did everyone else? I was at a complete loss; I couldn't even think straight.

"I can't wait for this night to be over," I said in a hushed murmur, regretting the words as soon as I said them. What I really wanted to do was _start _the _day _over, and keep my mouth shut and my feet to myself. Edward closed his eyes and rolled his neck, pinching the bridge of his nose with a weary sigh, and a faint, "Yeah."

I wanted to crack a joke about this feeling like a cliché prom night, or repeat Emmett's weenie/muffin line, just to see if he might smile, but all I could do was reach for my wineglass and guzzle the last bit of liquid courage. It didn't help. After another minute of listening to the chatter echoing throughout the other half of the house, Edward turned to me, sliding his hands into his pockets and looking like a nervous wreck. "Can we talk?" he asked, his voice only a scrape of sound. "Alone?"

There was something peculiarly off about the way he said 'alone.' It was anxious and reluctant, and his entire stance and voice were completely different from any other time that we'd been on our way to forgiving each other after a silly fight. Maybe he didn't want to make up. Maybe he really _was _going to break up with me. _Say no. Delay this until you can find a way to fix it._

I shook my head, gritting my teeth so hard, making my head ache even worse. I couldn't let him see my jaw tremble.

He lowered his gaze, seeming even more pained. "Please?" he tried again, his fingers clumsy and fumbling with the end of his tie. I hadn't seen him so fidgety since college graduation, when he'd had to give a Valedictorian speech in front of close to eight thousand people. Beforehand, he'd puked backstage… twice.

"Aren't we alone right now?" I asked, glancing around. Sure, there were people on the same floor, but right here, in the quietness of the hallway, we could talk. Couldn't we?

Edward narrowed his eyes, looking so different from the man I knew - his physique was the same, yes, but he appeared worn out and indifferent. He wasn't smiling, not even the shy, timid ones he gave sometimes if we'd been mad at each other, before. It was like he was made of cold glass that could shatter at any moment, instead of the warm, witty, jovial strength that made him who he was.

"Could we go outside? Or upstairs?" He swallowed, brushing a hand over his face, looking ill, again. "I just need to talk to you. And I'd prefer to be by ourselves."

I felt cold, suddenly, and even though my heart was beating in a rampant way, almost warning me not to agree, I nodded. "Outside's fine." I needed the wind in my face for this.

He reached for my hand and I allowed him to take it, even placing my other on the top of his. I pressed my forehead to his arm as he started walking to the door, not caring that my make-up would probably smudge his shirt. I just wanted to feel close to him. He squeezed my hand tighter, and I glanced up at him with hopeful eyes, unsure of what the gesture meant. To console, to comfort? To prepare me?

"Oh, hey - there you are, Bella! _Bella!" _Tanya.

As we turned around, Tanya, still intoxicated, was peeking around the corner of the kitchen wall. I waved halfheartedly and she smiled drunkenly, bounding over to us with a phone in her hand, exclaiming, "I just got off the phone with your mom! She's _reaaaally _nice. She didn't call for you, though - she was asking for Eddo, here." She sloppily ruffled Edward's hair, adding, "She wanted to chouble deck - I mean double check - directions - how to get here, or something. Want to call her back?"

Tanya's words were like hearing the hissing of a grenade, right before explosion. I whirled around to face Edward, feeling betrayed and humiliated. "You … " My breath caught in my throat, constricting, and my stomach felt like it had dropped into my ass. "You called my mom?" I asked, my eyes widening. "You called my _mother? To come here?" _

I silently demanded for him to say it wasn't true, but he stared at me with an open mouth and frozen expression, and tears that felt like slivers of glass crept into my eyes. "_God_, Edward, I know you're angry with me, but you called _Renée_? If you wanted me to leave, I could have called a _taxi!"_

"You're mad at Bella?" Tanya practically shouted. _"Why?"_

Irina appeared, out of the blue, and yanked the cordless out of Tanya's hand, pulling her back toward the kitchen and giving us an apologetic look. "Sorry, I tried not to let her answer the phone."

I knew I was going to openly fall apart and make a spectacle of myself if I didn't move, and I supposed Edward knew it, too. Before I could run on my own, he grabbed my hand and pulled me through the living room, past the party guests, and ushered me out onto the balcony. The _balcony_, of all places. Even though I wasn't suicidal, I would have to jump off - I wasn't about to be dumped and then walk through a crowd of people, including his family, while bawling my eyes out. Hopefully, I would miss the rose bushes - I was only wearing a thong under my dress, after all; it was embarrassing enough that Emmett had gotten an accidental peek at my she-place, and Carlisle and Esme already thought I was running around the cocktail party with a bare ass because my underwear was "missing" - all I needed to do was land in the goddamn thorns and give a whole new meaning to a _prickly bush_. I could only imagine the names Emmett would come up with: Bella McBarbAss, or Stickerbella Swanbush.

Speaking of Emmett, I saw a flash in my periphery, and there he was, closing the curtains, blocking our view from the rest of the party, and vice versa. I was glad for the privacy, but apparently, Emmett knew what was coming. I wondered if he'd known the entire night that I would have my heart broken… maybe he had tried to talk Edward out of it, or simply tried to give me hope.

I sucked back my tears with a hasty breath, feeling incredibly stupid and naïve and steeling myself for the inevitable. I couldn't _believe _Edward had called my mother. What did he think, that if he broke it off with me, I would be too _unstable_, too inconsolable to function, and that I might need my _mommy?_ Probably… but _still_. The impulse to cry grew to an urge to scream, and the thudding of my heart against my ribs was fuming, frustrated. He could have waited until _after _the party, or tomorrow morning - at the very least, he could have _warned _me. Maybe that's why he wanted to talk, so he could tell me we were done and that I had a ride home in my mom's minivan. Mentally, I painted my heart with darkness and steel, putting up the best shield I could. Yes, anger was definitely easier than pain.

When I felt solid enough to glance in his direction, I saw that he'd taken off his tie, having let it fall to the ground, and was leaning against the railing, staring over the side. He looked extremely pale and kept his eyes closed, taking slow breaths, as if to calm himself down.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked, fighting the itch to reach out and stroke his hair, to brush the sweaty strands off of his face. _Nope - no - don't _stroke _the pretty. Smack the fuck out of the pretty._

"I'm just … trying not to throw up," he said, gripping the iron bars and placing his head on the ledge.

I watched him tentatively, afraid he was going to do just that. "Are you drunk?"

He chuckled darkly, running a hand over his clammy forehead. "No. I wish. It would make this easier."

_This_.

So, this _was _going to be hard, whatever _this _was. Now, _I _felt sick. He didn't say anything after that, and neither did I, and the silence was stifling and poisonous, suffocating us both. The sun had nearly disappeared from the sky, leaving an impressive palate of vivid orange and cherry-pink skies in its wake, and the scenery was breathtaking; I might have enjoyed it if I wasn't about to vomit on Esme's pretty, probably hundred-dollar porch plant. Sucking in a deep breath, I finally blurted in a choked voice, "Just _do _it, Edward. Just say it."

"Say - do what? What are you talking about?" he asked in a thick voice, almost skeptical, like he _wasn't _planning on making me the next girl to blast Beyoncé's _Single Ladies _for the summer.

"You know _what_," I answered, nearly indistinct. "If you don't have the balls to do it now, away from everyone else, then I don't know what you want me to say. _I'm _not going to be the one to do it."

He was silent, though I could hear the whisper of his breath in the air, like a puff of wind. Finally, he said softly, "I… I wouldn't have expected you to. And I won't do anything that you don't want me to."

I tried to laugh, but it stuck in my throat and sounded more like a cough. "Then we'll be sleeping out here, tonight." I steeled my grip on the railing, wondering if Emmett had locked us out, too, until we worked it out. At this point, I kind of hoped so. "And, you know, if that were true, you would have said to hell with this bet a long time ago, and we wouldn't be having this problem right now."

"That's - that's all? This is because of … the bet?"

"Do you have a better reason?" I almost whispered, hesitant, because I wasn't sure I could handle hearing the real cause of why I wasn't good enough anymore. When I felt his hand graze my shoulder, I couldn't help flinching. I didn't want his obligatory, consolation touches.

After a few moments, I finally tore my eyes away from the carnation-colored sunset to be met with an even more beautiful, yet, broken scenery. Edward was staring at me, mouth set in a tight, miserable frown, the glow of the sky liquefied in his eyes. His sadness was breathtaking, as if this moment should be replicated by expensive marble and admired in museums. _The Sullen Cullen, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, and if you'll look past this sculpted masterpiece, you'll find The Pathetic Swan. _I'd probably be made out of recycled crap, like cans and gum.

"I don't understand, Bella…" He suddenly looked as though _he _was going to cry, and I felt like screaming that he wasn't allowed to - this was _his _break-up, not mine - and I was just about to do so when he said in a low, somewhat crushed voice, "You won't forgive me?"

"For calling my mother to come pick me up?" I blubbered. "For breaking up with me in the middle of your parents' party? _No_, I don't forgive you! It's been five seconds!"

He actually had the audacity to look stunned, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He even stuttered over his words, barely able to get past making noises in his throat before he managed, "I - I didn't - your mom - break up with - I can't - oh, my God…"

_Yes, that makes everything perfectly clear, thanks._

"And tell me the truth, Edward Cullen!" I cried. "Don't you _dare _say this is because I wouldn't sleep with you, earlier!"

"It's not - Bella, I'm not - "

"Then what?" I lowered my voice, finally, remembering that there were people inside. Even though Esme had proudly explained, earlier, about the soundproof glass and walls, who knew if there was a window open, somewhere. "What happened, and when? I thought - you said - just _what _made you slip away from me? Did I do something wrong? Other than today, _what did I do?"_

I was openly sobbing now, and plopped myself into one of the wrought-iron chairs, hiding my face in my hands. I was hideous when I cried, and even though I knew I shouldn't have cared, I still didn't want to look reminiscent of a wailing, crinkled-faced beet. Warm hands slid through my hair, and, for a moment, I thought they might have been my own, wandering without my brain's permission, but then I felt familiar, electric lips kiss my forehead, and the pressure of his fingers gently moved, sliding over my wrists and pulling my hands away from my sniveling features. I wondered why he was bothering; sympathy, maybe.

"I'm sorry. I love you _so _much," I choked, feeling a horrible weight on my chest, and a slow, agonizing pain spread, like something inside me was starting to crack and bleed. "But that's not enough, is it?"

"Bella, don't - " He reached for my arms, then, pulling me to my feet and I felt a bittersweet burn as he cradled my head and pulled me tight against his chest, because this was the last time he was going to do this, and it was killing me. "Stop… don't cry, please? God, this is _so _- just - all _wrong_."

_Yes, it is. It really is. Please, _please _don't do this. _

"I'm so, so sorry," he murmured into my hair. "I didn't mean for it to come to _this_. I had no idea you thought... I'm just so sorry."

"Yeah, I'll _bet_," I rasped, wanting to laugh from the irony - what a poor choice of words. Another wave of grief came and I tried to keep it at bay, sniffling and hiccupping like a fucking infant. I backed away from him, finally, and shook my head, feeling as though walls were crumbling down, about to bury me.

"We're supposed to go to Mexico…" I whimpered, keeping my head down as I felt grimy, mascara-laced tears slide down my cheeks. Random thoughts of '_we' _were starting to run rampant through my mind, and I realized just how much we both would lose, other than each other. "We signed up to volunteer at the food bank next week, too. We split those stock investments. We share _other _things… the vacuum's mine, and the coffee pot's yours, but the couch, the bed - they're _ours_. God, Edward, we have an _apartment_…"

"I don't want an apartment."

The breath I'd just taken whooshed back out, stinging my chest like a slash of a knife. "Well," I said shakily, "you could have told me this _before _you - "

"I want a house."

I paused, frozen, playing back his words. _He what? _I raised my head, wiping my nose, feeling disgusting_. _"You what?" I echoed my thoughts.

He was standing in front of me, reaching for my face and using his thumbs to clear the tears from underneath my lashes. "I want a house," he repeated, softer this time. "I want to be able to paint the walls and get a dog, and have a fireplace - maybe one of those breakfast bars, or kitchen islands… you always said you couldn't wait to have more counter space."

As I creased my eyebrows in utter bewilderment, more tears slid out from my eyes, and he caught those, too. "I want a music room for my piano. And I'll build you a library, a study - _anything_. I want you to have room for your books. For your work. For _you_."

Edward's lips curled into a small smile, his face suddenly void of worry, and his fingers were now stroking near the corner of my mouth, as if to coax me to do the same. "I want a house with _you_, silly."

This was not making sense, but I knew he wasn't so cruel as to toy with words like these. Slowly, cautiously, my heart began to dance to different music, going from thrashing drums to steady strumming. "You do?" I asked, narrowing my eyes, waiting for someone to poke their head out the door and bellow '_April Fools!_'

He nodded, staring at me, so handsome, yet, sorrowful. "I've been trying to save up for a down payment for months, now. I wanted it to be a surprise. And, clearly, I really, _really _suck at surprises of any kind… especially today."

I rested my knuckles against my lips, still puzzled and a little dazed. He wanted a _house _with me. That was a step forward, not a step back - _not _a break up. I could feel the fissure that had ripped and split inside me start to lace itself back together, and I could breathe, again. Edward studied me, still caressing my face and trailing his hands through my hair. "You really thought I was going to break up with you?" he asked unhappily. "That I'd throw away six years with you just because I was … horny?"

I almost laughed. "Something just seemed so off. It did, up until right now. During the party, you kept looking at me like I made you sick - like the last thing you wanted to do was talk to me. I was scared that this whole thing made you realize I wasn't enough, anymore. And you were so, _so _mad at me."

"If I was anything, I was so, _so _stupid," he breathed, his face crumpling. "And embarrassed - God, Bella, I've never felt like more of an idiot in my life. Ever. I'm not sure you understand how much - how horrible I felt because I was _such _an asshole."

He bent to kiss my forehead and I pulled his hands away from my face so I could hold them. God, I would _never _take his hands for granted again. Fear of losing them - _him_ - was enough to make me ache all over again.

"I'm sorry for everything. I know that's not even enough, and I'm not even sure where to start," he continued, motioning for me to sit again, and I complied as he took a seat next to me. "Earlier, I know I acted terribly, and you had every right to be mad… I just…"

"Would have preferred if my feet hadn't tried to play 'raise the flagpole' in between your legs?" I offered, guiltily biting my lip.

He laughed weakly, and I felt the rest of the tension in my shoulders dissipate at the sight of his smile. "Well, I do wish that could have happened elsewhere - you know, in a location where Emmett didn't have a front-row seat to the show," he said, causing me to turn pink and grin sheepishly. "But, no, I wish I wouldn't have taken it out on you the way I did. It's hard to explain. I was wound up and self-conscious and felt like I failed you, completely."

"Failed me?" I repeated, amused. "Edward, do you even remember this morning? In the car, in the sunroom… I wasn't exactly opposed to _honoring the rules_."

"I know," he admitted, unbuttoning his collar and taking a deep breath. "This started out as something so juvenile, and I take full responsibility for being drunk and stupid. I figured I wouldn't make it past the third day, but I started thinking about it, and the opportunity it provided. I thought, maybe, this could be something to try, to see if… " He sighed, looking embarrassed as he nervously bounced his heels. "It wasn't even about the money, or trying to show up Emmett. I just knew it would give me time."

I placed my hand over his twitching knee, wondering why he seemed so jittery. "To yourself?"

"In a way, yes, but not because I wanted to be away from you," he said sincerely, but then smirked. "For one, I had the pressure of preparing you for a night of passion and ravishment when this was all over." I gave a slight eye roll, smirking along with him. "But at the same time, I was trying to be sneaky about researching real estate, putting in overtime at work… and a few other things. I wanted today to be something to look forward to, so the whole month sort of became a countdown."

"Oh, yeah? To what?" I asked, unable to help giggling. "An all-night fuck fest?"

He smiled, but he shook his head, and with the movement, his expression grew serious. "No… no, something more important."

My eyes widened. "Oh, did you finally finish your dissertation?" I tried again eagerly. He gave a small shake of his head as he rubbed my fingers with his, his eyes pleading, and I had a feeling I should shut up. "Sorry," I said, sitting back and swallowing my questions. "Go on."

Edward cleared his throat, glancing around the balcony as if waiting for words to come to him. He stood up, suddenly, and held out his hands. "Come here," he said after another deep inhale, and when I reached to wrap my fingers around his, I could feel him shaking. He pulled me against him, holding me close before his hands traveled down my back, denting into my spine. "You say you were scared you wouldn't be enough, anymore? Well, you've got it wrong. No one _else _would ever be enough. You're my other half. I don't know what I would do without you."

I reached behind his neck and slid my hands into his hair, breathing in the fragrant, summer air that was mixing with his own scent of spice and amber. "Rosalie has hot friends," I teased, trying to loosen him up. His muscles felt much too tense and his skin was baking, sweaty. I creased my brow in worry. "Edward? What's the matter?"

"Don't joke," he whispered, his voice husky and genuine. "I mean every word."

There was something in the way he was looking at me, something so sincere and intense that made my lips tremble for the feel of his skin; they drew forward, my mouth to his, like iron and magnet. I moaned softly as the crackle and burn of sparking need warmed me, engaging me in the deepest way. He tasted of champagne and salty sweetness, and the scrape of his crisp collar grazed my neck, as did his lips as they dropped to kiss the hollow of my throat.

"I feel the same, you know," I breathed against his hair. "I don't ever want to lose you."

My words relaxed him and when he brought his eyes back to mine, full of love and longing, he swept a piece of my hair behind my ear. "I just _crave _you, constantly," he said gently. "Every part of you. Your body, your mind, your mouth, your soul… everything." His breath seemed stuck in his throat as he swallowed, and before I could say anything else, he was sliding down, away from me… _onto his knee_. "I love you, more than anything, anyone. It's you, always. And I'm yours forever, if you'll let me be."

My eyes were practically popping out of my head as I stared, mouth gaping, trying to form an intelligible sentence, or answer, or _something _that didn't make me look like a goldfish. Holy _shit. _He was _proposing_.

_You're hallucinating._

However, Edward proved me wrong as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black box. It gave the softest click as it he opened it, and a stunning, shimmering diamond ring stared back at me, the facets glittering as brilliantly as his eyes. "Bella … will you marry me?"

I couldn't even speak.

"You're - you're surprised?" he asked after a few moments, seeming a bit disbelieving.

I thought my head might bob off my neck from nodding. "I - I didn't - after today, this was the last thing - I never even thought…" A silly smile spread wide across my face, realizing that not only was he _not _breaking up with me, he wanted to buy a house with me… and spend the rest of our lives together. He wanted to be _mine_ and have me as _his_ for life, for always.

It took me a moment to realize he was still on his knees, holding a ring, and I was simply staring at him. He waited with yearning eyes, searching my face for an answer I hadn't yet given, and I laughed aloud, ecstatic, and knelt to his level. Instead of reaching for what he was offering, I clasped his cheeks and kissed his beautiful mouth, answering first with my heart before words. "I love you, too! _Yes_, I'll marry you. Yes, yes, y -"

Edward's arms were around me before I could finish, and he swept me into the air, lifting me to his chest and igniting my lips with his own, on fire and eager. When he pulled back, still holding me up, he grinned so stunningly, so happily, I actually felt my eyes tear. "Yes?" he repeated with a laugh.

I nodded again, my face flushing with warmth and bliss, and _this _feeling - I wouldn't have even traded it for a night of multiple-O's. He put me down and slid the ring onto my finger, kissing my forehead as I admired it. "It's _beautiful_, Edward. I can't even - how did you - when did you…?"

"You really had no idea?" he asked in wonder. "Not even a suspicion?" When I shook my head, he exhaled dramatically, rolling his eyes in amusement. "I was _positive _that you knew everything… Tanya talking to you about wedding cake, Mom telling me in front of practically _everyone _inside not to _lose the ring_, and then Rosalie showed up…"

I crinkled my brow, thinking back to earlier when everything had seemed so strange. "God, it all makes sense, _now_. No wonder you looked like you were going to throw a hissy fit, or pass out. Emmett said… oh my God, _Emmett_. He knew the _whole _time, didn't he?"

Edward nodded in agreement. "He's known for months."

I suppressed a giggle, knowing it must have been _killing _Emmett to keep it secret. "So, everyone knew you were going to propose? _Everyone _in there?" I gestured to the curtained door.

"Yes, and even if they didn't before, I'm sure the word's spread by now." He looked relieved as he tucked my hair behind my ear and sighed against my forehead. "Man, I really thought you knew - this _whole _night, I thought you knew. I was waiting for you to tell me what a terrible idea it was, or not to bother after how I behaved. I didn't mean to tease you so much today… it's just that I was excited, but _so _nervous. I was afraid you'd say no … and that you'd walk away from me."

I shook my head, cupping his face in my hands. "Never. From now on, we're just going to have to learn to communicate, huh?"

He laughed. "Yes, I suppose that _might _be important. And speaking of communication, I should probably go call your mom and explain everything." Seeing my confused expression as I remembered the unexplained phone call to Renee, he said with an air of amusement, "See, she's coming up here tomorrow morning for an engagement breakfast, which was supposed to be a _surprise_ for you…"

"_Oh_," I breathed, more pieces falling to complete the puzzle. My skin was alive with tingling and warmth, and I leaned into him, encircling my arms around his waist. "So, she's known since…?"

Edward brushed a lock of hair over my ear, looking thoughtful. "April, when I asked her permission."

I was melting, every little inch of me. "You put so much thought into this…"

"Well, my family helped. Emmett, especially. I was acting like a brat, sulking in every corner of the house, and he told me he'd hold me down and shave off my broody-fucker eyebrows if I didn't snap out of it." Edward shrugged with a bashful smile. "And I know things didn't go perfectly, but…"

I shook my head, beaming. "No, this _is _perfect. It is because it isn't. If everything had been faultless, we wouldn't have a story to tell - all about you and the sainthood of your sex staff, and how it led to -"

He hushed me with his thumb on my moving mouth. "I'll _never _live this down, will I?"

"Nope," I said, shaking my head with a tight-lipped grin. "I'll still be teasing you on our twenty-fifth anniversary."

Edward pulled me closer, the glow of setting sun bright in his eyes. "What about the fiftieth? Not that I'm promising that my love pistol will still be able to shoot in that many years."

"_Ew!" _I broke into giggles, smacking his shoulder and thinking of us, grey-haired and wrinkled, sitting to watch the California sun go down, parallel to this moment. I knew I'd be just as in love with him as right now. He'd still be the most beautiful, caring, crack-witted man I would ever know.

"Even then," I promised in more ways than one. I stretched my arms, clasping my hands around his neck and standing on my toes until my mouth neared his chin. "I love you. Forever."

Still sporting a winning smile, he sighed against my lips and murmured, "_God_, I love you, too." Lifting me by the waist and hugging me tight to his chest, he ruined what was left of my lip gloss, his mouth eager and smoldering. I was content to stay this way all night - honestly, I was downright close to making plans of christening the balcony - but Edward broke away and asked, "So, can we go inside, now? Let me show you off? _Finally?"_

I giggled as he set me down. "Of course. But be honest… how's my mascara?"

"You look a little emo, but we can just pretend you teared up because I'm such a lady-killer," he with mock smugness, smudging under my eyes with his thumbs. I mm-hmm'd in jest, and picked up his tie off the floor, adding, "Don't forget this, Casanova."

Edward stuffed the tie in his pocket, lifting an eyebrow with a cocky grin. "One less thing to rip off of me later, huh?"

Before I could answer, he pulled open the door and tugged me through the curtains into the crowded living room, where his family and their friends were waiting, leaving me to stuff all thoughts of sensual ravishment to the back of my mind.

_I can't get no satisfaction._

**=:=:=**

**Yeah, yeah, I know - "Where's the SEX, Banana?" I felt like it needed its own chapter so it didn't mess up the flow. (PLEASE DON'T HATE ME, IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY AND MY BDAY BUZZ WILL BE KILLED IF YOU DO! YES, I'M PULLING THAT CARD. ) So, in its entirety, this will be five chapters. I know, the number keeps going up. But that's the last time. ;)**

**I couldn't have wrote this w/o WhatsMyNomDePlume, as she has fantastic beta skills, and is one of the coolest chicks ever. Seriously, go applaud her or send her pictures of hot men. It never hurts. Oh, and if you're in the mood for another proposal, go read her o/s "Put a Ring On It." It's brilliantly sweet, and wonderfully witty, and it's just win.**

**Also, huge thank you and peen-shaped cupcakes to ninapolitan who gave this a rec on the Perv Pack's Smut Shack. I love her sfm, and she gives me way too much credit. Xoxo Nina!**

**FYI, in case you didn't know: **_**I Want to Be Somebody's Baby **_**is a 1974 song by Barry Manilow. It just makes me giggle.**

**And thanks for reading! I PROMISE THERE WILL BE SATISFACTION NEXT TIME!**


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